Irish, here's the thing. When making a decision about how to deal with your h, it has to be what is best for you. It has to feel "right" to you. It doesnt matter how you think he might take it, or if he gets angry or whatever his deal is. What matters is you do what you feel comfortable with.
If it bothers you to speak with him, then dont. Not as a tactic, though, ya know?
I will tell you that from someone looking in from the outside you sound as if you are trying to make him feel guilty and that you are overwhelmed.
From a db standpoint, it's best to show him your strong self. It's also best to validate his feelings.
Aslo, I know that you were probably trying to get a point across. He doesnt hear you. He hears, ok there goes IB pointing fingers and not getting what I mean.
Here's what I've learned. I dont want my h or anyone for that matter to think I am not capable because I am.
So, maybe next time that he says we need to try to get past this so we could both be there for the kids, you dont answer his text or you text, Ok, I understand what you are saying.
The thing about going dark is you just do it. You dont tell him not to call you or contact you. You just live your life. If you feel like he texts you something that needs answering, you do. If you dont, you dont.
Going dark has to be because you need it.
And IB, in my state, any loans or debt h accrues as long as we are still married is half mine. Doesnt matter if I know about it, doesnt matter if its in his name. So please be careful here.
And here's how I always felt about this and my son. While it affects him without a doubt, it is between my h and me. And I always had my son's best interest in the back of my head. So when I was strong enough, I made it as easy on him as I could. And for him, that was having his father and I civil to each other whenever we are all together. And I have never, in three years, said a bad word about his dad.
