Sorry, Pin, I thought I had quoted what I was referring to, but I didn't. This is it:
Quote:
If she wanted them to be different, she wouldn't say she'd be gone if we didn't have the girls.
She wants me to stay for the girls. Not for her.
But with that said, she's doing and acting pretty much what I'd want, with the exception of initiating affection. Maybe I expected too much too soon. But her motive is what's moving me.
In my opinion, people get depressed and say depressing things. They say them to themselves and they say them to each other. That is why the Retro weekend is devoted to communication. Not just listening and validating, but how to phrase things. What to say, and what not to say. These are minefields. And you stepped in one. So it blew up.
Is it possible for you to believe that despite the fact that your wife said that ugly thing to you, and she doesn't retract it, that it isn't really what she feels? Instead, I believe she is talking too fast. She is talking about the surface feelings and not even exploring what is going on underneath. That's why it takes a weekend. That's why it takes the experience of really spending some time with your feelings and weighing each one, and seeing what the real gut feelings are. It doesn't happen in everyday life. It takes the retreat experience to plumb the depths of your feelings and open up to each other.
So how can I suggest to Mrs. Pinhead that she ask you to go to Retrouvaille with her, whether you move out or you don't move out?
