Which mara are u training for, Coach? And which race is is ur May half goal, Pin?
This running and ass wiping talk reminds me of the first marathon I ran, they had people at the aid station holding popsicle sticks with this thick goo at the end. Being clueless, I thought they were handing out Gu (energy gel) on popsicle sticks, so I happily grabbed one and swallowed a huge wad of the stuff. Then I started spitting and hacking everywhere, almost vomiting (not breaking stride of course -- places to go), cause it was so hideous. Everyone was looking at me like, are you high??? I had just chowed down a huge hunk of vaseline (for chafing).
HAHAHA!
My town has a full and 1/2 marathon. Don't want to name the city, but Go Huskers!
Sorry, Pin, I thought I had quoted what I was referring to, but I didn't. This is it:
Quote:
If she wanted them to be different, she wouldn't say she'd be gone if we didn't have the girls.
She wants me to stay for the girls. Not for her.
But with that said, she's doing and acting pretty much what I'd want, with the exception of initiating affection. Maybe I expected too much too soon. But her motive is what's moving me.
In my opinion, people get depressed and say depressing things. They say them to themselves and they say them to each other. That is why the Retro weekend is devoted to communication. Not just listening and validating, but how to phrase things. What to say, and what not to say. These are minefields. And you stepped in one. So it blew up.
Is it possible for you to believe that despite the fact that your wife said that ugly thing to you, and she doesn't retract it, that it isn't really what she feels? Instead, I believe she is talking too fast. She is talking about the surface feelings and not even exploring what is going on underneath. That's why it takes a weekend. That's why it takes the experience of really spending some time with your feelings and weighing each one, and seeing what the real gut feelings are. It doesn't happen in everyday life. It takes the retreat experience to plumb the depths of your feelings and open up to each other.
So how can I suggest to Mrs. Pinhead that she ask you to go to Retrouvaille with her, whether you move out or you don't move out?
Nice night with the family, dinner then Monopoly again. I lost as usual. Watched Death At A Funeral with W. Then went to bed. No R talks last night, or this AM.
Going to the pumpkin patch with the family after W gets her hair cut. Kids should love it.
Is it possible for you to believe that despite the fact that your wife said that ugly thing to you, and she doesn't retract it, that it isn't really what she feels? Instead, I believe she is talking too fast. She is talking about the surface feelings and not even exploring what is going on underneath. That's why it takes a weekend. That's why it takes the experience of really spending some time with your feelings and weighing each one, and seeing what the real gut feelings are. It doesn't happen in everyday life. It takes the retreat experience to plumb the depths of your feelings and open up to each other.
So how can I suggest to Mrs. Pinhead that she ask you to go to Retrouvaille with her, whether you move out or you don't move out?
No, I'm pretty sure that's how she feels right now. Whether that's a long term feeling that will persist, I won't know.
Getting her to ask me to Retro? No idea how that's possible.
I'm advocating Knowing Yourself so that I want my wife to be attracted to me and I want someone to lust after me and what is "wrong" with wanting to be desired is not a recurring theme when you write out your thoughts. It seems unhealthy that you would leave a troubled marriage where you exhibited those behaviors so you can start up another continuing those behaviors.
out of curiosity, has your wife read divorce busting yet? The chapter on what solution-orientated therapy is and how it can help you. and chapter 5 and 6 on identifying patterns that work and interrupting destructive paterns.
Question for you Steve. Would you be happy in a marriage like mine? Knowing that as best as you could tell, she was only staying with you for the kids?
Pin, you and I have been here startign with very similar situations. You've done a lot of stuff much better than I've seen most on these boards do.
But you've lost sight of your original goal here, man. You set out to save your M and make yourself a better man. Now you're basically saying, "I'm better than this M now. I want more."
I think you're being somewhat selfish, and you know that. You've changed a lot, and your mentality has shifted. Go back to how desperate and hopeless you first felt - your W is feeling that now. She has low self-asteem and doesn't know how to "fix this" - the same you felt in the beginning too.
I'm not saying moving out is not the right thing to do, only you can decide. But you're talking this one comment and answer from her way too personal and way too far. remember the "listen to nothing they say" statement?
Listen to yourself, what are you saying?
really?
Come on Pin, your W has that love and passion for you but neither you nor her know how to get there.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
Another good night but just as confusing as hell. Cooked a new recipe that W and I both liked, though the rugrats weren't quite as enthusiastic. Watched some TV shows together when the Ds were in bed, had a few drinks, then ML.
Now I'm at work, way too early. And tired as can be.
