Wow. Was out of town on a business trip. Got back and my new thread is already two pages long!
Everyone, I really appreciate your continued support and advice.
My sitch is very long, so you all might not know, but I have dumped her twice before. The first time was last December. Her A with OM had collapsed, and she came sniffing around, angry, totally lacking respect and remorse, and acting like I should be thankful she's giving me scraps. I soundly rejected her. She got extremely angry, gave me all sorts of "Now it's really over" crap, but I held firm. I barely spoke to her for almost six months. I did go out and date, I did have a ball. She absolutely did think she lost me. Even I thought maybe I was done with her. I was giving her nothing. It did attract her back. She sued me to get my attention, then tried to seduce me, and I let her in too easy back in May. We did have some fun, and she did show me SOME respect, and even a tiny bit of remorse, but nowhere near enough. She tried to manipulate me into letting her date other guys while we did family things together, but I said no, held tough, dumped her again, and spent about six weeks going out, dating, and having fun. This is now the third round of all this, but it's not the same each time. This time she was much more respectful, and actually showed a little remorse. She wanted to do Retrouvaille, but still wanted to hold onto her A with OM as something good, leading to our argument.
Quote:
Future as long as you didn't go batshitcrazy when you got angry with her and started being honest, I don't think the anger did any harm. If you got all emotional, weepy, wussy, teary eyed then yeah, you did wrong but from the sounds of it, you didn't go that far. You got angry, stood up for yourself (and I always make a point of telling people to stand up for themselves and to stand up to WAS's "crap behavior")
I'm glad you agreed with the divorce.
Thanks robx. I needed to hear that, because deep down, I knew I only stood up for myself. I didn't go crazy, and I didn't get weepy at all. I was trying to point out how full of sh*t she was, and how I felt totally disrespected by her continued statements of affection for OM. I did show some anger, but I felt I was only using it as a source of strength. If she had backed down, shown remorse and vulnerability, I would have been defused, and we could have had a real moment of healing, like we did at her house a couple weeks ago. Instead she reared up and got defensive, leading to me feeling even more disrespected. She did get me a little when she left the bar and got in her car crying. I fell for it, and I'm p*ssed at myself for it. It got me to write that conciliatory e-mail the next day. Even then, I refused to apologize for standing up for myself, but merely described how I was feeling. Still too much, I know.
I didn't agree with the divorce. I suggested it, and she had to go along to preserve her pride. She's been texting me several times per day since, with various kid issues. At first I was responding too quick, and too much, but now I'm only giving brief responses after hours or a day of delay.
Yes, I know her lingering obsession with OM is because he dumped her, over and over. She did everything she could to entice him, and he still said no, hurting her terribly. The hilarious thing is, I know her, and if he now did decide to move here, she would possibly run to him, but after she knew she really had him, eventually her anger over him dumping and hurting her would coming roaring in, and she'd dump him. The one thing I've realized through all this is, women don't forget. I had W pursuing me like crazy when we first met, because I played seriously hard to get. Once she decided she wanted out, she pointed to that and bashed me over the head with it, saying how unloved and unworthy I made her feel back at the beginning. It wasn't until after we had kids, and she knew she had me locked up, that she unleashed that resentment on me.
I will not be her 2nd choice. Time to get back to going out, dating, and having fun. Like I said before, the clock is ticking. If I meet the right woman, she will have lost me, and this sitch will finally be resolved.
