My walk away wife story

[40andsadintexas]

Six days if we don't get a continuance my stomach is tied in knots, I cant sleep, its getting close and I am so worried that she will get custody. The way she has acted the last 5 months I know that the only way to have a meaningful relationship with my kids is to get primary.
My friends want me to go out tonight I really don't want to go, the STBEX has the kids this weekend and is taking them to the Fort Worth zoo, so I will not get to see them this weekend, or before the court date.
I guess I have no reason not to go out with my friends, but I just want to crawl under a rock and go to sleep. My friends go out every weekend they all drink, and Ive been hanging with them every other weekend I'm not that crazy about drinking, I really had not drank anything in 10 years before the bomb dropped, now its what all my friends do.
Wednesday when I was so down I ended up hanging out with the ex girlfriend, she is fun to be around and I felt better after leaving her house, but I think we will end up as only friends after the d is final.
With the d date so close its hard not to think about what dating will be like, from what I've seen the 40-+ pool of women here where I live is pretty flawed. I met this one girl about 3 weeks or a month ago and the first words out of her mouth was how she had been divorced 3 times and none of them were her fault. I couldn't run from her fast enough she still post on my facebook wanting me to call her. I really think with 4 kids as young as mine there will not be many women interested in me, they will see my kids as baggage I see them as my life. When I was married my wife came before the kids, no woman will ever come before my kids again.

Just rambling now probably not making much sense, hope everyone has a good weekend.