A lot of this is in place, but part of it is a trust issue too. After she "faked it" for so long, it's hard to know if she's continuing to fake it.
OK, WOW. I am wondering if there's a way out of this for her if she really does change her perspective on your marriage and finally begins to appreciate you.
I wonder how she will regain your trust?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
A lot of this is in place, but part of it is a trust issue too. After she "faked it" for so long, it's hard to know if she's continuing to fake it.
OK, WOW. I am wondering if there's a way out of this for her if she really does change her perspective on your marriage and finally begins to appreciate you.
Seriously, though, trust is such a bugaboo. Also involves the leap of faith on your part to give the trust (and withholding that trust from fear/vulnerability can also be a roadblock). In many WAS sitches, it's the lynchpin of whether the WAS trusts the permanence of changes enough to reconnect/pursue the LBS.
How would you take that leap of trust? Feelings? Haven't we read over and over that feelings can be poor signposts?
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
Hi Pinhead, Strange what she said about letting you date someone else if you want. You've often said she has little self esteem, doesn't consider herself good enough. Maybe she thinks you've started to be interested in others, in the idea of someone else, even. From my point of view, as a woman who has fairly low confidence, what she said sounded like a desperate plea, clutching at straws. Your W sounds like someone who's unhappy in herself, with or without you. Maybe she's just so worried about material things and the future that she can't relax and feel ANY desire and lightheartedness. You two have been through the mill - cancer treatment, IVF treatment, debt. Maybe she can't get beyond that to any feelings of lust.
Maybe moving out will help you both to another perspective. NCU
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
Remind me, Pin if your W is in IC? Picking up on what NCU says, I think in my sitch alot of what is going on with my W is depression from accumulated life hits/stresses (many of my doing...) that has nuked her emotions, self-esteem, and sense of sexiness globally. Do you get the sense from your W that it is a global shutdown of affection/sexuality or does she talk about being attracted to other people?
Me-53 W-49 D22,D18,D15 T-Since-12/2001 Married-9/2004 She Moved Out-5/28/2010 Piecing start-04/2011 Now-together Thread http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2079304
Initiating affection. Not sex, but affection. Wanting to spend time with me, not just with me and the girls. Showing interest in me, the things that excite me. Being attracted to me. You can tell when that's working.
A lot of this is in place, but part of it is a trust issue too. After she "faked it" for so long, it's hard to know if she's continuing to fake it.
Well, I guess my question to this would be... Why do you think she felt like she had to fake her feelings rather than being open and honest?
Why do you think she couldn't/wouldn't talk to you about that?
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Initiating affection. Not sex, but affection. Wanting to spend time with me, not just with me and the girls. Showing interest in me, the things that excite me. Being attracted to me. You can tell when that's working.
A lot of this is in place, but part of it is a trust issue too. After she "faked it" for so long, it's hard to know if she's continuing to fake it.
Well, I guess my question to this would be... Why do you think she felt like she had to fake her feelings rather than being open and honest?
Why do you think she couldn't/wouldn't talk to you about that?
She said she was ashamed. That she had failed, that she didn't want to hurt me. That she was afraid I would take her daughters away from her.
Hi Pinhead, Strange what she said about letting you date someone else if you want. You've often said she has little self esteem, doesn't consider herself good enough. Maybe she thinks you've started to be interested in others, in the idea of someone else, even. From my point of view, as a woman who has fairly low confidence, what she said sounded like a desperate plea, clutching at straws. Your W sounds like someone who's unhappy in herself, with or without you. Maybe she's just so worried about material things and the future that she can't relax and feel ANY desire and lightheartedness. You two have been through the mill - cancer treatment, IVF treatment, debt. Maybe she can't get beyond that to any feelings of lust.
Maybe moving out will help you both to another perspective. NCU
She had a bout with Bell's palsy after our first daughter was born; literally got it the day of D8's delivery. Bell's palsy basically shuts down the nerves on one side of your face. And understandably, she was very affected by it. Definitely compounded a lot of her self-esteem issues.
