For the record, I think she was testing him to see if he was interested in somebody else, and it's probably not a brilliant idea to validate that
Well, one can still validate something someone's said in the past can't one? I mean, what do you have to lose at this point? Well, unless you don't WANT to try reaching for or building any type of connection anymore ... then I guess that's a different story.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
For the record, I think she was testing him to see if he was interested in somebody else, and it's probably not a brilliant idea to validate that
Well, one can still validate something someone's said in the past can't one? I mean, what do you have to lose at this point? Well, unless you don't WANT to try reaching for or building any type of connection anymore ... then I guess that's a different story.
She did ask if she could see the apartment, and I said sure. (Mindreading here) Maybe she was concerned I had found someone, and was moving in.
I don't know that it would be wise to bring it up again, just to validate her "offer."
OK, I don't know much, and I get what the problem you are having is, but...
just to play Devil's Advocate here, if things could be different if you both really wanted them to be different, what would your wife be doing different than what she is doing now?
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
I don't know that it would be wise to bring it up again, just to validate her "offer."
Oh, sorry Pin, I totally agree with you on that one; but I'm not being clear. I meant what you'd said earlier - that you can understand the confusion of feelings one has when faced with leaving.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
OK, I don't know much, and I get what the problem you are having is, but...
just to play Devil's Advocate here, if things could be different if you both really wanted them to be different, what would your wife be doing different than what she is doing now?
If she wanted them to be different, she wouldn't say she'd be gone if we didn't have the girls.
She wants me to stay for the girls. Not for her.
But with that said, she's doing and acting pretty much what I'd want, with the exception of initiating affection. Maybe I expected too much too soon. But her motive is what's moving me.
I don't know that it would be wise to bring it up again, just to validate her "offer."
Oh, sorry Pin, I totally agree with you on that one; but I'm not being clear. I meant what you'd said earlier - that you can understand the confusion of feelings one has when faced with leaving.
Gotcha. I told her this last week the night before our MC session. Said I understood how she felt with all the doubt and uncertainty, that no one was going to win or come out of this unscathed.
I agree with Time, that validating her possible thought about someone else is not wise.
Validation is a tool of communication and lets face most of us find ourselves here because soemehere the communication broke down in the marriage, or realtionship.
Learning to validate, promotes empathy, and you can use it mostly on emotions or thoughts. i.e. "I feel like we don't fit", "I think I hate you."
Validating actions can be done, but its trickier. i.e. "I slept with your boss last night."
I do agree Pin that not everything can be validated, but in a realtionship where two people are part of the problem, most of it can be.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
But with that said, she's doing and acting pretty much what I'd want, with the exception of initiating affection. Maybe I expected too much too soon.
So.. she'd be initiating affection?
Quote:
But her motive is what's moving me.
What you know about her motives is what she has told you. So she'd be charming and trying to win your affection too?
I just wanted to get to the root of how you will know if things change.
Initiating affection. Not sex, but affection. Wanting to spend time with me, not just with me and the girls. Showing interest in me, the things that excite me. Being attracted to me. You can tell when that's working.
A lot of this is in place, but part of it is a trust issue too. After she "faked it" for so long, it's hard to know if she's continuing to fake it.
