Thank you all for caring enough to offer your advice.
I actually called him, he didn't answer, so I left him a message that said I was worried about him and I gave him the prevention hotline phone number and reiterated that I was worried about him.
He texted me shortly thereafter with "I'm not calling any number...sorry...just don't know what to do"
Maybe you could call the hotline and ask them if there is anything specific you should/can say or do... they are trained in dealing with people in your H's situation.
(((hugs))) PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Maybe you could call the hotline and ask them if there is anything specific you should/can say or do... they are trained in dealing with people in your H's situation.
(((hugs))) PEI
Oh, and yes, I realize this could be seen as trying to "fix" him ... but IMO it's better to see if there's a way to make sure he sticks around to fix himself.
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Please arrange for help for your husband. A couple of ways that you can do this...
1) See if you can get him home (maybe come up with an excuse) 2) Try and keep him on the phone and maybe just discuss somethign light.
I agree with PEI and TAMF, I would contact a support group asap.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Everything is fine with H. He came and stayed with the kids last night so I could go out and hang with my girlfriends.
Sometimes I wonder if it's all an act to try to get me to feel bad for him.
I just don't see this turning out well based on what he's saying. He just keeps saying he doesn't think he can BE any other way and that I don't deserve that. That he believes this "chronic need for affirmation from other women" is just who HE is. I said "well, you are CHOOSING to be that way then"
Just doesn't look good. I don't even know what I want anymore.
Side note: I noticed that he secretly looked at my cell phone records this morning. He deleted the history on the computer, but he failed to delete the temporary internet files which showed me that he was on verizon. I know that he was looking at my records because he tore off a piece of paper from a note pad that I could see what he wrote because of the imprint on the page below it. He had one of my friends cell phone numbers written down, (one that I was texting with last night) as if he was going to check and see whose number it is. Weird. Whatever.
I've heard from very wise counsel that our MLCer's do indeed 'watch us'. I know my H does things to indicate that he's keeping track of me somewhat.
Not sure why given what they've done. Don't know if it's control, jealousy, not wanting to give up aspects of their old life, or possibly wanting to find out if we're moving on so as to help relieve their guilt?
Who knows? Anyway, I don't attach any expectations from these things. I just chalk it up to the weirdness that is MLC.
Sometimes I wonder if it's all an act to try to get me to feel bad for him.
When I was hooked on drugs and totally fuc*ed up (FTR, that was a long long time ago)…I used guilt for a few reasons….1) secure pity from those that love me and 2) TO HIDE….
Yep, hide the fact that I was doing drugs and hide any other thing I was doing.
I am not saying your H is doing this…BUT….
Sometime we should trust our instincts.
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I just don't see this turning out well based on what he's saying. He just keeps saying he doesn't think he can BE any other way and that I don't deserve that. That he believes this "chronic need for affirmation from other women" is just who HE is. I said "well, you are CHOOSING to be that way then"
Here is another story….in May of this year I proclaimed “I was done”. F*ck it.. I was gonna file. Retained a lawyer, and instructed her to draft the complaint. I came home and told my W that she would be severed shortly. She was sooooo happy…she really was. I was totally confused. I started thinking WTF why was she so happy. I got so freaking angry. I was pissed. Here she was happy. We sat down and told our two teenage boys. When we told them…she was in a jovial mood.. she was really happy…almost like a pig in chit. I was pissed.
Then something funny happened about 2 days later….
My anger subsided and I started thinking….
Why was I standing? Is this what I want? How would I explain this to my kids? Did I still love this woman? Fuc* do I really believe in all of this MLC bullchit?
I came to the conclusion that I did not want the D. I came to the realization based on my W actions just how totally “gone” she was. I knew it was her crisis. So I decided not to file. I call my L and said please hold off.
I was happy…I had made a decision for ME. I had stood for my M. I knew that I could look at my kids at the end of the day and say that daddy did not end this – daddy it gave it his all and then some. Daddy stood NOT for HER….but for HIM…I stood for ME.
I came hold and told my W that I had decided NOT to file. She was PISSED. Was so unhappy. You should have seen the look on her face. I actually went outside and smiled (I have to be honest and say I did feel a little revengeful joy – kinda like “f you back”). Do you know what I realized….
I just made her OWN her decision. I made her responsible and she did not like it one bit. Ya see an MLCer will usually push the LBSer to file. This way they can blame you.
So…IMO, your H is cycling and maybe a little pissed off that YOU are not making this easy for HIM. You are forcing him to face this chit. AND Jennifer…I know…you are forcing him to look at it BECAUSE YOU LOVE HIM….and that…sista…is LOVE.
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Just doesn't look good. I don't even know what I want anymore
Then sit still and do nothing…..OR
Maybe YOU do know BUT are afraid to live it. Maybe you really want to stand. You do not have to rush into anything right now.
Regarding the phone thang….
Who the hell know and really who the hell cares.
Did I forget to mention that I think your H is in a crisis…read the resources and you will see that part of the crisis is confusion.
Now get back to backing some cookies will ya…
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
