Going straight forward...antlers 6th thread.

[antlers]

I've noticed that the cheating spouses have convinced themselves that they have justification for what they are doing...regardless of how wrong it actually is. They all 'rationalize' and convince themselves that not only is what they are doing OK, it's "justified". Jesus Himself couldn't convince these people that what they are doing is grossly wrong. Some even convince themselves that they were "forced" into it. And if a spouse snoops and finds out about the infidelity of their spouse and they confront the cheater with it...the cheating spouse gets mad at them for snooping! The fact that they were cheating is irrelevant...they're pissed because of the snooping by their spouse!
I wouldn't recommend anyone expose their spouses affair in order to "shame" them. I think most people expose their spouses affair because they (the victim) need support. The pain is so deep. It is such a gross violation of trust, committed by someone who vowed to spend their life with you and be faithful to you, that once it happens...you need to tell people you are close to and trust, so they can be supportive of you.
I myself never said a word to anyone about my wife's cheating. I kept it to myself for 22 months. All of the time that I've spent on this board during the long separation, and after the divorce was filed by her, I kept it to myself. I worked on me, I addressed my shortcomings, and I succeeded. I remember vividly all of the times that she got off work at 5 pm, and wouldn't come home until 8, 8:30, or 9 pm at night. This was when she was pulling away. I would question her. She would lie. I remember vividly one night in particular that she came home about 9 pm after getting off work at 5, and she went and got in the shower (something that she NEVER did). And her blue panties were laying on the bathroom floor with fresh semen stains in them. I questioned her. She lied. I questioned her further and she went berserk! I remember her telling me that it "sickened and disgusted" her for me to touch her anymore. I had no control at all over her or what she did. All the while, I concentrated on myself and the changes that I needed to make in myself. She never acknowledged anything, she never accepted any blame at all, and was more than happy for me to shoulder all of it myself.
I needed the support of my family and close friends. So, after such a long time, and after much water had gone under the bridge...I told...my family and close friends, because I needed their support. It was after the mediation.
She still won't accept any responsibility to this day.