Have been away from the boards for some time. I hope everyone is well. I think my thread was deleted.
Will summarize then attach my signature.
I recently discovered my W had been having an EA turned PA end of August which I exposed beginning of Sept to OM (2 actually) as well as his W (OMW2). I also exposed to select family members and friends. for first few weeks all seemed to just move along sooo slowly. Was being pulled in multiple directions: sep, stay, D... ugh. nothing new here i guess. the other members of the board, especially Allen and other friends like Jin were indispensable.
I was obviously devastated by the affair. How can u recover i asked myself? then came to realization (albeit with re-awakening of my religious faith) that I could only affect me. I could not make my W love me or want to stay with me. as much as I realized that there was no way her A could result in a lasting relationship, her behavior spoke for itself:
from "I did it bc I wanted to push you away," to "I despise you," to "I stopped loving you long ago," yadda, yadda, yadda...
I can even smile when i think about it.
We continued along that line though i did get here to agree to no contact, transparency and to go to Retrouvaille. the last thing on the w/e of the 25th/26th of Sept is what propelled me to where i am now. dont know if i belong here or elsewhere on forum.
W re-committed to idea of trying to make M work. The day before Retrou? W felt we were done. Evening after Retrou w/e ended? Hope restored. It has been 2 weeks since the day we went. lots of changes where we talk and share emotions as part of what we learned at Retrou.
in typical fashion I want to speed things up and can be impatient at times. Have always been HL w/ W seemingly LL (which i believe she is somewhat having to do with childhood abuse), but want to connect w/ W sexually in addition to emotionally. m frustrated sometimes by stroking her skin and cuddling with her which she actually seems to like.
I realize that I am only 4 weeks into this thing post-exposure, in the middle of Retrou and more to go. ugh.
would put more but my posts tend to be long so will stop...
________________________________________________________________ M: 42, W: 40 T: 18y, M: 15y S7 S9; D4 D13 D15 --------------------------------------------- Nov 2008 - Feb 2009 - EA/PA - OM1 Mar 2009 - Exposed - W didnt come clean 100%, admitted A, no details May 2009 - Nov 2009 - FT but no resolution Nov 2009 - DB'ing (not very well bc) Mar 2010 - ILYBNILWY - still ML regularly Mar 2010 - Wife shuts me out of FaceBook Mar 2010 - Sep 2010 - EA/PA - OM2 (lives in FL but working NY) 9/1/10 - OM2 moves back to FL, his M estranged in past, 4 children 8/31/10 - install keylogger (shouldve done it sooner, duh) 9/6/10 - Confront W/OM2/OMW2 9/7/10 - Exposure family/friends 9/7/10 - W says may file D, talk sep? 9/7/10 to present - OM2 discloses A in detail to OMW2, offers wife 100% transparency 9/14/10 - Communicated OM2/OMW2, end contact, sep no longer option Sept 2010 - W initially won't admit A until 9/16/10, wanting "closure", reluctantly agreed no contact Retrouvaille 9/24-9/26: great experience, W hopeful for 1st time, agrees FB/social networking is bad influence, texts/emails much less, mostly warm but some cold days, not physical yet but for occasional short kisses --------------------------------------------- Current - Contact with OM2 unknown, suspect done for now bc W acting strange, ?withdrawal Current - only small details of A revealed, but transparent Current - completed Retrouvaille, pretty good thus far, talking, sharing feelings, talks about future, wearing rings again (!!) after few weeks of not
