My take ... you feel guilty because it has become a preconditioned response. Open up your book and do some reading today to help ground yourself.
Why did you apologize if you weren't comfortable with it? What exactly did you apologize for? I'm not saying you should or you should not have ... just wondering what you felt needed apologizing for from your perspective. You spoke to someone you thought you could trust (or did you ... she has known your H longer, did you have any kind of ulterior motive here? don't answer for me, look at it for you, if it doesn't sting, move on ) and she is the one who ran with the info. You did not tell lies or embellish the events, she did. I would guess talking to her will not do any good, and you don't need to tell her you aren't telling her stuff, just don't. Actions not words. Now, if she calls you on it ... asks you outright, I would firmly state your boundary.
He has a right to feel angry. His feelings are HIS feelings. Doesn't mean he's right or wrong, doesn't mean you're right or wrong. Feelings are feelings. Now, it's been my experience that the defensive anger and denial could certainly be a red flag ... but you already know that. Listen and validate: "I understand" ... "I'm sorry you feel that way" ... etc ... do not take every time he opens his mouth as an opportunity to defend yourself.
Try not to keep score kissak ...
(((hugs))) PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
) and she is the one who ran with the info. You did not tell lies or embellish the events, she did. I would guess talking to her will not do any good, and you don't need to tell her you aren't telling her stuff, just don't. Actions not words. Now, if she calls you on it ... asks you outright, I would firmly state your boundary.
