After a pretty good evening with the family, (dinner, Monopoly, then Trivial Pursuit just with the W). We went to bed. I told her that I couldn't stay anymore, and that I'd be moving out in the next week. That I had found a place, and would be signing a lease shortly. She went into shock (her term) pretty quickly.
She started bargaining; saying she'd do anything. That (as we had discussed in the past) we could provide better for our daughters together than apart.
I told her that I wanted to be with someone who loved me the way I wanted, and that she couldn't give me that. That I didn't want to be someone's consolation prize in life. She was really confused why I would do this. Why I was the one leaving. I asked her if I had heard her right the other night when she said she'd leave if it weren't for the children, and she said yes. I told her I wanted to be where I was wanted.
Said I wasn't mad at her, nor hurt. But that I wanted to be happy, and her to be happy. That we would be great coparents. Told her that she can keep the house for now, until we decide we need to sell it; this way the girls can stay in their home for as long as possible.
She was really upset when she fell asleep. When she woke up to get ready for work, I could tell by the racket she was creating that she was still upset. I got in the shower, and when I came out, she was waiting to talk to me. Said that for thirteen years, I had been promising that we were this close to being financially safe and having the life we always wanted, and now I was throwing it all away when we were just about out of the woods.
I told her this wasn't the life I wanted.
I know I did the right thing. But God I feel like [censored] in my heart. I never in a million years thought I'd be walking away from a woman I love so deeply.
