I left here yesterday morning at around 8 to go to work. Mr. A was up and watching TV when I left, and I had a funny feeling about the whole thing. Neither of us slept well on Tuesday night because our evening together was very strained.
He had to be at work yesterday at 3:30.
Ok, I am NOT a morning person and don't start to think clearly until about 10. But I was driving to work at 8 feeling angry about the past 24 hours and I drafted an email as soon as I got to the office but didn't send it to Mr. A.
As the day went on, my ill feelings changed from being upset that he didn't treat me very nicely Tuesday night to being suspicious that he was back on the hunt.
I got home after work and saw that he'd taken his most important belongings - laptop, cell phone charger, work clothes - so I figured that I wouldn't see him for a few days. Some stuff he said Tuesday night backed that up.
That's when my suspicions heightened and I sent him the email that I posted here. Then, as you all know, I tried to send him a text to tell him I sent that email, but it never went through! Or at least I don't know for sure whether it went through or not. Uh, communication issues?
I've gotten no response from Mr. A since then, but (at the moment) I care less than I thought I would. I mean, I still care a LOT about Mr. A, but I don't care that much about what he's doing or thinking at this exact second. I miss his presence, which I kind of got used to again, but I'm happy to have a night at home. I paid the bills (not fun, but needed to be done), the dogs are being pretty quiet, I did a load of laundry - nothing glamorous, but taking care of me. Maybe tomorrow I will actually find the energy to do yoga!
Hey Mrs. A! Just take it one day at a time and breathe. You will be fine - either with Mr. A or without him! Now get that yoga session in tomorrow and hope Michigan beats the pants off State on Saturday!
Woke up again just now and decided to check for messages. Here is the text I got from Mr. A:
"Just got ur email. Not so happy about it."
And here is the email he sent about an hour and a half later:
"My dealings with [XXX] were true, that's exactly what they were. But yes, I am and have been pursuing other women. That's the truth. Sorry to disappoint you..."
I guess the most confusing thing about this is that he told me a couple weeks ago that we were exclusive.
Also, I just don't understand logistically how he manages this. I mean, he was here every day for the past 2 weeks and it seems like he was only gone when he was working.
And what was the point of spending time with me then anyway?
I think I'll text him back and say this:
"Got your messages. I appreciate your honesty. Let's find some time in the next week or so to talk in person."
I'm sleeping on this - at least for the next few hours. I want to talk to him face-to-face, but I don't even know what I'd want to say in that conversation.
I don't see my IC til Monday and Mr. A works a conflicting shift all next week, so it's seeing him this weekend without input from IC or putting it off til next weekend.
I wouldn't say anything for right now as you haven't heard anything to respond to. You need to be fine either way, don't let so much hang on what he does or doesn't do.
I know I don't know your entire situation so you can ignore what doesn't apply. Instead of thinking about what he is or isn't doing, what he is or isn't thinking, focus on you. Hang in there.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Back off a bit, regroup and reassess your entire situation. Sit down and do some introspection and really try to determine what it is you want and deserve. I'm sorry to be blunt about this but it is clear to me that as far as Mr. A is concerned you are merely a placeholder to him until he finds someone else. I know that you love him dearly but the respect and admiration is not mutual on his part and he is just setting you up for more heartache right now.
I think right now you just need some YOU time. Forget about Mr. A and any possible reconcilliation you think there may be with him. Concentrate and focus on making your life more fulfilling without him or anyone else for that matter. In the end it will give you a renewed sense of self-confidence and will make you more attractive to even Mr. A and then at that point you will be on much more solid ground about making a decision on whether you want to invest anymore time and emotion with him.
And here is the email he sent about an hour and a half later:
"My dealings with [XXX] were true, that's exactly what they were. But yes, I am and have been pursuing other women. That's the truth. Sorry to disappoint you..."
Originally Posted By: Mrs. A
I guess the most confusing thing about this is that he told me a couple weeks ago that we were exclusive.
And what was the point of spending time with me then anyway?
Cake-eating. I would cut it off right now, Mrs. A. He wants to have you and all his other women. If you have slept with him, I would get tested for STDs. Seriously.
Yes, Soliel (and everybody), Mr. A is totally cake-eating and I certainly don't want to be intimate with him anymore after that confession.
But I still want to talk to him in person. This may sound weird, but it's not that I want to see him face-to-face so that I can try to play on his heartstrings, it's more like I want to keep this crazy experiment going.
For example, I was pretty surprised by what he wrote back, both in his text and in his email. I appreciate his telling the truth instead of avoiding or deflecting, but I want to know why he wasn't "so happy" about my email. I mean, I want to know in his words... I felt that my email was totally in line, so what made him upset that I wrote it? I've said this before, but I want to get to know this person that I *thought* I knew so well. He keeps throwing me for loops!
I have nothing to lose at this point, so I'm considering asking Mr. A to attend a few therapy sessions with me. Not under the guise that we're trying to repair our relationship, but just to talk about how we push each others' buttons. I also think I will tell him that I'm not interested in competing with other women to try to win him back. The "winning back" part is all up to him, including the choice of whether or not to try.
For example, I was pretty surprised by what he wrote back, both in his text and in his email. I appreciate his telling the truth instead of avoiding or deflecting, but I want to know why he wasn't "so happy" about my email. I mean, I want to know in his words... I felt that my email was totally in line, so what made him upset that I wrote it? I've said this before, but I want to get to know this person that I *thought* I knew so well. He keeps throwing me for loops!
Mrs. A. - 2 X 4's coming but it is all meant in helping you and I am not trying to be cruel at all.
Mr. A was upset with your email because you are rocking his boat. He'd rather simply have the freedom of visiting your bed, enjoying your affection and stroking of his ego without dealing with having to explain what he is or isn't doing with other women. Honestly, you are simply just fun for him right now. HE sees you when HE wants to. Gives you attention when HE wants to and sees and pursues other women when HE wants to with no consequences whatsoever.
Originally Posted By: Mrs. A
I have nothing to lose at this point, so I'm considering asking Mr. A to attend a few therapy sessions with me. Not under the guise that we're trying to repair our relationship, but just to talk about how we push each others' buttons. I also think I will tell him that I'm not interested in competing with other women to try to win him back. The "winning back" part is all up to him, including the choice of whether or not to try.
How does all that sound?
I think you have a lot to lose with this man right now. I think you are losing your self respect because it seems anytime he throws you a bone (i.e. attention) you jump, roll over, and basically act like his little puppy. With where you are with him emotionally right now, I don't think he would have to do much to "win you back".
Rather than go to therapy with this man, I really think what you need is a complete break from him so that you can clear your head and really focus on what your needs are. Let him experience life completely without Mrs. A for a period of time.
Uh, communication issues?