Current thread MIA - here's the 4th

[Vulcanized]

As of now, I've just contested. Meaning H can't d me until mid 2012 at the earliest. At that point, if A is still going on, it will be the end of year 3.

When my L contact H's L to respond to the request to accept the D papers, the first line was that I knew H was having A. Second line was I do not want D, will consider R if A is ended. H's L responded that H wants D. No mention of A. In person, H says to me that his L says A "doesn't matter". WTF ever, H.

I'm trying to figure out what I want to do next. There is no way I'd take H back at this point, in this condition. In that respect, it makes sense to just D now and be done with it. The possibility exists that H could snap out of it, and start doing the things necessary to try to repair all the damage. Possible, not probable. I don't know if I have it in me to forgive H and move past this. I will forgive H for my own sanity, but I don't know if I can ever be w/H again.

On the other hand, part of me thinks that since OW and H have made incredibly painful, life-altering decisions for me, completely w/o my consent, that I should return the favor. OW & H want each other so f*&king bad, they can have one another ON MY TERMS. I feel like this decision was made for me by OW (seemed like there was heavy duty fighting between them for a few weeks before H filed); H may have (or not) been dragged along for the ride. I feel like since I'm the one M'd to him, the decision on whether or not to D is one that we make w/o OW's input. Once that c&^t is out of the picture, then the 2 of us can have this conversation.

It's not costing me any $$$ to wait (not at this point). My L told me that he has cases where it's been 5+ years since initial filing and the couple is still M'd. It may also make sense financially for me to wait. I have to discuss that w/my L.

At this point, I'm just standing. I've been in this for over a year, no point pulling the trigger prematurely. Thinking about this retrospectively, maybe I should have filed immediately on grounds of A. That might have made H snap out of it.