H pushing Divorce

[beastiemanager]

Thankyou CW and Eric

I will not tell my in-laws about it, he can. I don't want to take on his responsibility of it.

I don't know what my problem is with detachment? I think I am doing really well with it, but then I get moments like this. I don't know if it is because I see him or what. I sat for about and hour and a half outside on my porch swing, and read on detachment AGAIN. I don't get why I have such a hard time. I was, however, very inspired to do some art about it, which I will atempt.

I don't know if it is my energy is so low in spirit, my having fear about it, etc? I mean i sit and tell myself, this man is sleeping with another woman, he took his love for me away and he abandoned us. I should be so angry with him I could kick him in his junk.

So I guess I meditate on it, pray on it.


Eric-

I look at detachment as removing myself from being involved from the chaos of a person or a situation. I don't get tangled up in reacting to things person says or does. I don't dwell on it. I remove myself from their responsibilities. I do not try to control the person or situation.

I know I have no control over the person or situation. It is about action, implmenting detachment. the how. I was doing well. My D25 even said I had detached. Then I slip. AHHH!

I also realized while on the swing, that I feel like there is no chance for me, like it is competing with OW. He is in infatuation with her. I give her WAY to much power. She writes a few gut- wrenching things about her and H relationship and I feel like this. Albeit, very immature things. As my mother said, "she is nothing much." Someone capable of wrecking a family. I know abandonment issues are coming into play here. My self-esteem is low.

I don't want to be sounding like a needy person or whiner. H just seemed so excited to be working on divorce. I feel like I have been wadded up and thrown in the garbage to make room for a new toy.
Thanks again.