Okay guys, bring out the 2 x 4's and start swinging. The pathway to Hell is paved with good intentions, and my intentions were to remain dark, but after all the ranting he did at me the last two days, he had the gall to send me an email today at 4:00 saying "Are we still on for Friday at Waldron?"
I lost it. I completely and totally lost it. I responded:
"Are we still on for Friday"? "But anyway, no, I will not be in Waldron" "I'm really tired of being the bad guy all the time " "We both got to remember it's not all about me or all about you,"
And my personal favorite: "Let's put our personal feelings aside and get this over with "
Do you ever listen to yourself? Can you print out and reread the things you have written? Put our personal feelings aside? What the hell is a 20 year marriage if not personal feelings? You know perfectly well why you feel like the bad guy. Because you destroyed our family. You've lost respect. And if we need to remember that it's not all about you and me, then who the hell is it all about? All our hopes and dreams for all these years and right when it's time to happen, you bail. On all of us. On yourself. No, I will not meet with you tomorrow. Frankly, I'm not sure you are even stable.
I will, however, make a list out of things and take it to John to forward to Orvin to send to you. You can forward your list to my lawyer the same way.
I for one can't 'put my personal feelings aside' My whole world was destroyed and I tend to take it seriously. I expected to spend the rest of my life with the man I loved and instead got crapped on for someone who'll be sleeping with the next boss on a business trip after you're just a retired old man.
Slug me all you want guys. I probably deserve it. I'm seriously starting to doubt his sanity. If his therapists saw some of the emails he sent, they'd lock him away.
Sorry I let you down Eric, but I'm auburn headed for a reason.
Planning on working on that list for the lawyer this weekend. Going to the football game out of town tomorrow night, then having friends over for dinner and movies Saturday night. He's not keeping me down. Not anymore.
FTR - you can never let me down - that would be an expectation wouldn't it.
You can really only let yourself down.
So you let out some anger - honestly sometime chit happens. So I don't feel the need to 2X4 you. I am sure your doing that to yourself as you read this.
Look, sometime these type of exchanges happen.
What you have now done, IMO is lay down a boundary.
This boundary MUST now be enforced!
As for this upcoming weekend - have a blast and try not to let the recent exchange ruin your weekend.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Sweetie, guess what? You are human. And you are a woman with a huge heart and big personality and deep emotions.
Listen, you feel what you feel. It's what you do with those feelings that make all the difference.
And I know that at times you just want to shake your h til his brains become unscrambled. Here's the thing. It aint gonna work. You know this. I know you do.
I know it is so hard to comprehend this, but he really does not hear you. You are screaming at a rock that cant answer you.
So, you got all that out, right? No need to say that again.
Now you regroup. You take a breath. You do what needs to be done and you get back on the path.
We have all backslid. Heck, I backslid so much for so long my butt was black and blue. LOL!
But, you have great strength. You are on the right path.
Detaching takes as long as it takes. Different for everyone.
I appreciate all of everyone's help and comments. I think I'm approaching the place where I've let go so completely there is no going back. Now, maybe it's me that loves him but is not in love with him anymore. I don't know who he is anymore, and I'm not sure I want to.
Maybe it's just a feeling and it will pass. I don't feel anger, really, just disgust that he can so minimize our entire life together. I can say that I did my best. I tried to get him all the help I was able to get him. I just lost. Plain and simple.
Did finally make it to FaceBook, but I'm a bit slow on the uptake. I don't really remember what to do when I get there, so I'll have my daughter update me.
Another football game tomorrow night. Out of town. Getting into this Gal'ng thing.
Punkin - I am sorry for the difficulties you've been having. I have felt that same feeling of approaching the place where I am afraid I will not want him ever again. The disgust is starting to rear its ugly head in me. You are doing a great job GAL'ng - you are moving forward and so what if you got emotional - you have a right to your voice. I am still restraining myself because I WILL not engage a sick person in any kind of interaction. Self-protection:) Keep up the good work! IB
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
you registered on 5/21 of this year...so that is about 4 1/2 months.
So in 4 1/2 months...you now...
Quote:
think I'm approaching the place where I've let go so completely there is no going back
Going back on what? Your vows? YOUR truth?
Really?
FTR, I actually understand how you feel. I wanted to do the same thing at pretty much the same time (I think it was 4 months in for me)....right around the time I found out that my Wife was fuc*ing her boss.
No wait....Actually, I think I "felt" this way a month in. Right after her 1st EA with someone in NJ.
Quote:
maybe it's me that loves him but is not in love with him anymore
Hey...I think I said the exact same thing. I'd have to go look up some of my old threads. Maybe Punkin..this is LBS "script". Maybe Lance can confirm that (no offence Lance - really).
Quote:
I'm not sure I want to.
Someone once gave me some excellent advice....doing NOTHING is DOING SOMETHING. It is an action that you take to "do nothing". So your not sure, well nothing...okay maybe you can do something...
Figure out how to deal with the anger that you feel.
Punkin - you can feel free to tell me to go fukc myself BUT IMO, your not DONE! Your not ready to call it a day. Your better than that.
Quote:
I can say that I did my best.
Can you? Really you think you can? Hold that mirror up and look into that fuc*er. Look right into and ask yourself that question. BTW, Don't answer me - answer YOURSELF. This is YOUR life not mine. I am just some Rican in CT posting on a board.
What this Rican can tell you is this..
I have been done about 5 times.. I am still not done.. I still love my W and I always will
I will ride this out UNTIL I can look in that mirror and without a shadow of a doubt say (in peace)...Eric, you gave it everything you had and then some...and then...i gave it a little more.
Will you quit on HIS terms or YOURS?
Will you give up because right now he is fuc*ed up in the head?
Will you give up on YOU?
That's right YOU?
Quote:
I just lost.
Lost? what did you loose a M that was broken? Hell, it has to die. You know that already. It must die in order to be reborn.
Punkin - I have alway liked you..I like your style, your spunk, I can see that you really care about the people on these boards. I can see just HOW much you love your H.
His actions are killing you right now.
Separate the actions from the man that by your own admission was the man of your dreams. The one who drove a chevy (I think it was a chevy).
Your hurt and angry still.
The court date is coming up
The chips may look like they are stacked against you
OW is with him and that hurts....FTR, I slept in the same bed with my W...even on the days that she came home and I knew she was with "him". So trust me I know the pain that one feels when OP is involved.
Everything looks like hell in a hand basket..
Yeah your doing some GAL'ing..your starting to feel better, which is good.
BUT
Do me a favor,
Don't quit...not yet...
Let us see the Punkin that will fly and do this chit her way.
F him and OW...cut them off,
Let her have him (and for the record he is still YOURs) or think she has him
Let him bi*ch and moan...
Let him talk to the hand...
This is YOUR show Pun...YOU run this motherf'er...
It's all YOU...and guess what...
You and I know...YOU STILL LOVE THAT MAN who DRIVE the chevy.
You can do this..
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I'm awake at this ungodly hour because I had a strange dream. I was in the house I grew up in and my parents were there (both deceased) and my H was there. He had drank up all the liquor in the house and was laughing. I threw the empty bottles at his chest and screamed,"How can you say you don't have a drinking problem?" Then, ran and hid in my father's bed. Suddenly it was my father's backseat of his car and I was watching houses go by, but I felt safe. How's that for a Freudian wet dream?
I really don't feel much anger, just disappointed and sorrow and very, very tired. Yes, I regestered in May, but it really began in January. I just spent a vacation in denial. Things came to a head in March. I was really looking forward to seeing him tomorrow, but now feel only fear.
He responded to my last email with "I get my list to my lawyer . . . Thanks." I know I said some hurtful things to him, and THAT was the edited version.
