The difference 3 months has made in my life

[TAMF]

Hello my friends! I am starting a new thread, because I am not the person I was a few months ago when I first came on this site.

I look back to July 3rd and what I was like after my H told me he was having an affair with a 27 year old bartender. That he had been unhappy for a long time. That he loved me but wasn't in love with me. Something was missing. blah blah blah. same things each one of us was told. Like they all got together and read the same book on HOW TO HAVE A MLC! He-he.

Now I look at myself and wonder how I got to this point. How I can wake up in the morning and he is not the first thing on my mind. How I can go through the day and not look at my cell phone every minute and wonder if he will text or call. How I can tell people that I am okay - really. That my H is the one that everyone needs to pray for.

The only thing that hasn't changed is how much I love him and how much I still want to be married to him. period.

I can honestly say that I don't know what my future holds. He still drives me crazy because he tells me things that makes me feel like we have a chance and that he still loves me...but then he jumps right back on the crazy trail and runs.

Take for example! Last night he was responsible for picking up our 2 Ds for swim team practice, pick them up after and feed them. I had a work meeting. on my way home from the meeting, I called and talked to my girls and they said that thier dad took them to practice but that another mom brought them home. I asked if he fed them and they said that he ordered a pizza from where he was and had it delivered to the house. IT WAS A PIZZA FROM THE BAR THAT THE OW WORKS AT.

He sent me a text that said: Vicki took the girls home and I got them a pizza.I sent a text back that said: A pizza from the Wharf? nice.his reply: left a long time ago. Home watching the game. Im so sorry. really i am. please forgive me. honestly it was a thoughtless moment.my reply (which I regret because it is NOT detaching)It still hurts so bd. I wish it didn't, but it does. I am trying to move on, I promise.

This morning he sent me a text: so sorry about last night

I didn't reply.

I am tired of being caught up in his drama, the mess that he likes to call his life now. I just want to be able to detach so much that nothing hurts anymore. That isn't realistic, but I can do better! I will enjoy my life and my children. And I will do a better job of not letting his craziness affect my emotions! I finally feel like I can do this.