My daughters are so tired of me using that line. Everytime they'd pout and say "I want XYZ!" I'd reply with "yeah, and I want a pony. You see one in the backyard?" Amazing how quickly that got old. But it stopped them!
Yeah, I'm not the type to want a Harlequin romance, but sex without love gets old after awhile, kind of kills it for me.
Yeah, I looked at it. Seemed more like an advanced MC though. W wasn't interested at the time. I'm sure if I asked W to go, she would. But here's the thing, right now she'd be going to save our "marriage" not because she wants to be with me. Maybe I'm splitting hairs, maybe I'm expecting too much too fast. Maybe I'm just really pissed off about her comment about what she'd do if we didn't have kids.
Pinhead-- You're wrong here. On both counts. It's not MC at all. I've worked registration when marriage counselors themselves checked in to Retrouvaille for the weekend. Because it is different, and a MC can't give you what Retrouvaille can.
And you're wrong about "why" she would go. First of all, it doesn't matter, not one bit. It's like saying you can't enjoy a swim if someone pushed you into the pool. Sure, sometimes you need a push to do something. But once you are doing it, you find your own reasons to enjoy it. If she would go willingly, that is plenty good, no matter what the reason!
They ask you to go with an open mind and a willing heart. Ask yourself that question. That is the important criteria.
Nope. I think you have turned into the WA and you don't want to admit it.
Last edited by Lotus; 10/07/1008:20 PM. Reason: addition
My daughters are so tired of me using that line. Everytime they'd pout and say "I want XYZ!" I'd reply with "yeah, and I want a pony. You see one in the backyard?" Amazing how quickly that got old. But it stopped them!
I envy you, your little munchkins.
PS - careful about telling yourself your W has 'sex without love' with you...remember those confirmatory biases we were talking about on my thread? But. Anyways. I'm here to support you not to talk you into anything. I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Thinking thoughts of courage for you.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
Still, you should open your mind and give it a try. Your kids deserve it. A lifetime marriage is not an easy achievement. It doesn't just come naturally. That's why so many of us are here. You have to find the love over and over again. It's not the same spark that glows year in and year out. Maybe it even needs to take a rest sometimes so it can light again. Marriages can be saved. Marriages that were declared dead by the spouses. I know, because it happened to me. I'm glad we walked in the door of Retrouvaille. Because in less than 48 hours, that dead ember had more than started flickering again. You don't know until you try!
Mr. Pinhead, you have been around here a long time. And I've read a lot of what you write. By and large, you've got a good head on your shoulders (pin). But you are doing a tremendous amount of negative self-talk. The love is dead. The sex is no good. Yeah. The more you tell yourself that stuff, the worse it will get. The first step out of this morass you are in is to stop the negativity. As long as you stand there criticizing everything about your wife and about your life together, there will be no improvement. You have to start noticing the good and overlooking the bad. Yes, overlooking the bad. Focus on the good. Say something complimentary to her, such as, "I really appreciate the way you do this __________________ for me or for the girls."
Yep. I've never met the woman, but I am convinced that there is something she does well. You find it and notice it. That is the very first step out of this hole.
Eh, negative? Maybe. I was really optimistic for months, clinging to hope. Now, I see what we have, and I just want more.
Don't get me wrong at all. If my wife really wanted me, was attracted to me, I'd be more than happy to be patient, work as hard as hell to make things work. She's the one I wanted to have kids with, share my life with.
But I won't be anyone's consolation prize in life.
detach in a loving way. Let her know this is the best thing to do right now.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Pin, even though I only made it through half of Retrouvaille before my W went bonkers and wanted to leave, I have to say that with my limited experience there what Lotus says is right.
You'd be suprised how you start feeling again after the second day. At the end of the first day it's going to feel a little awkward and forced. But by the end of the second day you'd be amazed.
Then there is a whole 'nother day after that shenanigans.
It will open your, and your W's heart again. There will be a new found respect there for both of you if you both cooperate.
I'd suggest it.
----"Et tu, Brute?"---- me:28 W:24 S4 T:6 M:4 EA Exposed: 5/21/10 Bomb: 6/20/10 (Father's Day) NC w/ OM: 7/10/10 W moved out 8/21/10 http://bit.ly/aOrZne - My sitch
I envy you, your little munchkins.