Yep. I don't know why that stung so bad when she's said so many other things that went just as deep.
Mind reading alert - Because you have busting your a$$ to become a better man and husband. You know the effort and pain you have gone thru to get to this point. You want your W to validate it. This is when you need to love yourself enough to say, "I am handling it." And that sometimes is all you will have to take the next step. Validate yourself. You are doing great don't let negative emotions cloud your thinking.
Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I'm not your wife and I can't presume to know her thoughts but we are similar as we have both said MANY times. That said, the things that John wrote about how your life would have been different without kids so you may not have ended up here is worth looking at.
What things did you guys do for fun before the girls? Did you keep doing them after your daughters were born or did you fall into the parent trap?
Doodi
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
We fell into the parent trap. Before we married, we ate out a lot, read books together, went to a million movies, just hung out. We were both pretty new to this town, so it was fun to explore. Then when we got married, it was all about having kids, the whole fertility/in-vitro dance. Once we had D8, we threw ourselves into parenting. Game, set, match.
Yep. I don't know why that stung so bad when she's said so many other things that went just as deep.
Mind reading alert - Because you have busting your a$$ to become a better man and husband. You know the effort and pain you have gone thru to get to this point. You want your W to validate it. This is when you need to love yourself enough to say, "I am handling it." And that sometimes is all you will have to take the next step. Validate yourself. You are doing great don't let negative emotions cloud your thinking.
Cheers
Could be. Could be that it's just a pretty clear rejection.
Sorry, I meant the "if it wasnt for the kids, I would be gone". And as if that wasnt enough, I remember I went ahead and asked :but if you had the chance to relive all our life together, would you marry me? You can guess his answer...
What your W said to you really hurt you. It feels like a cul-de-sac. However, I do think MWD and others are right when they say not to believe all you hear and see. My H, at the time he dropped the bomb, told me in very clear terms he didn't desire me any more, couldn't bear to be in my company, had been taking refuge in his heavy workload in order not to spend time with me. The words and his angry, despising expression at the time cut through me. Now, 5 months down the line, he's left, but he's not so categorical anymore. At least, he doesn't say anything about the M, but is pleasant, sends me "kisses" in texts. He's still not about to come home, but is a long way from the near hate and disgust of the bomb. And whereas I was nearly dying with need and unrequited love, I'm now starting to feel my sentiments evolve as well, starting to see I'll be okay without him. We can all feel a mixture of feelings at any time, we express only part of them and what someone says today in a fit of anger or the blues, they might well express differently tomorrow. Don't stay stuck on those words of hers. She's showing she doesn't want to lose you. But maybe she will have to lose you in part to realize what exactly she wants.
Can you move out, yet schedule a moment every two or three weks when you meet up without the children - for a coffee and a talk,,just the 2 of you, to keep discussions open?I'll bet when you're no longer about, she'll realize what she still feels for the man.
A few months ago, I'd have been happy with just a few crumbs from his table, anything so he'd stay. Now I feel that if he does come back, it will have to be to be with me in a loving and "attracted" relationship. You too deserve love and mutual attraction, not just bitter crumbs. NCU
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
I know most guys wouldn't say this, but for me, it has to have more in it for me to enjoy sex.
Sure they do. Excellent example of well thought out pillow talk. Probably score you a twofer. But outside of that it seems terribly feminine. What more do you need? Spiritual love that trenscends this lifetime and proves your souls were meant to spend several lifetimes making love on a bed of roses? PUKE. Quit drawing hearts in your notebook.
I know most guys wouldn't say this, but for me, it has to have more in it for me to enjoy sex.
Sure they do. Excellent example of well thought out pillow talk. Probably score you a twofer. But outside of that it seems terribly feminine. What more do you need? Spiritual love that trenscends this lifetime and proves your souls were meant to spend several lifetimes making love on a bed of roses? PUKE. Quit drawing hearts in your notebook.
It doesn't come across as very hard.
Stop Operating off Mushy Emotions.
Finally someone makes me smile.
It's not that I want rainbows and a pony. But I don't think it's feminine to want someone to lust after you, not just fsck you.
It's human to want respect. And sex just for the sake of peace isn't respectful to either party. It makes a beggar of one partner, and some kind of sex-worker out of the other. At least, that's the way I see it. No-one in their 40s is looking for roses and champagne, but sex has to be something mutually wanted and enjoyed, not a bargaining chip, surely. It doesn't have to move the earth, but it should strengthen a relationship and make partners feel good, shouldn't it? Not be part of some blooming unwritten accounting scheme. If I've learned one thing from all of this, it's that in the bedroom, BOTH partners should feel at ease and happy to say yes, no, maybe, later, now, whatever. No-one should feel forced or be begging. NCU
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
(teehee)