What your W said to you really hurt you. It feels like a cul-de-sac. However, I do think MWD and others are right when they say not to believe all you hear and see. My H, at the time he dropped the bomb, told me in very clear terms he didn't desire me any more, couldn't bear to be in my company, had been taking refuge in his heavy workload in order not to spend time with me. The words and his angry, despising expression at the time cut through me. Now, 5 months down the line, he's left, but he's not so categorical anymore. At least, he doesn't say anything about the M, but is pleasant, sends me "kisses" in texts. He's still not about to come home, but is a long way from the near hate and disgust of the bomb. And whereas I was nearly dying with need and unrequited love, I'm now starting to feel my sentiments evolve as well, starting to see I'll be okay without him. We can all feel a mixture of feelings at any time, we express only part of them and what someone says today in a fit of anger or the blues, they might well express differently tomorrow. Don't stay stuck on those words of hers. She's showing she doesn't want to lose you. But maybe she will have to lose you in part to realize what exactly she wants.
Can you move out, yet schedule a moment every two or three weks when you meet up without the children - for a coffee and a talk,,just the 2 of you, to keep discussions open?I'll bet when you're no longer about, she'll realize what she still feels for the man.
A few months ago, I'd have been happy with just a few crumbs from his table, anything so he'd stay. Now I feel that if he does come back, it will have to be to be with me in a loving and "attracted" relationship. You too deserve love and mutual attraction, not just bitter crumbs. NCU
Me: 46 H:42 Together for 18 yrs, married 14. 3 children: 2 girls 13 and 10, one boy 7. Husband had affair, ended it and then decided on separation. Separated 08/2010
