Now I'm Walking Away

[john28]

I hear this argument all the time about "if there were no kids would you stay".

I get that, I do. That some people would up and leave if it weren't for the kids. I'd like to bring another perspective to all of this. I may be wrong, but it's worth looking at.

Partnerships strive usually on a couple of things - shared interests, attraction, history, respect, and "love". Whatever that means to you.

When a couple has children together, it changes the dynamic. Now it's not about just sharing that bond with your partner, but also sharing another "interest" with them - your kids. Seeing your partner being a good parent is attractive, you now have an unbreakable history together, you respect each other for being decent human beings and having to raise another person in your images, and there is now not only love for your partner - but a shared love and bond as a family.

I think it would be easy to say that if that bond wasn't there, it might be easy to leave. You don't know. If you had spent ALL of your time crafting your bond with just your partner, would it be stronger? Maybe. But, you have kids. There is only so much time in a day, and so much love to go around. Now instead of giving your partner all of yourself, you distribute it (hopefully equally) to your family.

THAT is why it is easy for those people with kids to say "if it wasn't for the kids..." Love comes in many different ways, many flavors and colors. Attraction may have subsided over the years because you were focused on other things - like kids in your family. You didn't take enough time for each other. That's what killed the attraction over time possibly.

Sometimes it goes too far and you end up having to DB because you've both neglected each other's needs for so long, filling that time and energy with different things. Probably your kids.

Of course the WAS might say "If it weren't for the kids...". They feel they've been neglected for far too long and the only thing they share with you is your children.

It's not. You, and the WAS just haven't made it a priority.