Thank you all for your support and Eric - you are absolutely right....my anger and resentment is still showing in my interactions with H. It was gone for a while and now that things are coming to head it's back.
It’s been a year since the bomb and in that year I’ve seen my life come apart. Everything that I ever believed in is no more. It’s not only that my H has left us, but it’s the domino effect of it all....the impact it’s having on my life. I got my heart shattered, I’ve lost my love, my best friend, our family, all that we have build together, now I’ll be loosing my home and most of the things in it that I love and our business. After running a successful business for 20 years I have to now find a job, because there is no income... So for me this has been a year of incredible losses and I do blame him for it....
I know that I’ll get past this and rebuild my life and be OK....but at this stage I struggle with existential issues that were forced upon me by H's actions and that’s fueling my anger and stirring up all kinds of negative emotions towards him. Right now I don’t know how to just put on a fake smile and pretend that everything is OK and treat him the same way as I did in the past, with love and compassion. OK he is in MLC, but it that an excuse to tolerate bad behavior?
I know that once I cut the cord...financially and otherwise and get on with my life, get past all of this stress, I will find balance and peace...and hopefully compassion and forgiveness for H. I'm not an angry, hateful person...the opposite I'm compassionate, calm, happy, easy going with an attitude of "live and let live". I want to be that person again...and I will.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
