Bustorama-Thread 1

[bustorama]

So, again, haven't updated in a couple of weeks.

1) I'm on the alt now if anyone else is there. Easy to find me (BUSTO)

2) Finances are separated. W got mad/sad about this, but oh well.

3) Keeping on doing my own thing / not initiating stuff with W. For my half-marathon training, I signed up with my running team as part of a fund-raiser for liver disease. We had a meeting for it last night (with taco bar =) ). If anyone is interested in contributing a little tax-deductible something to an extremely worthy cause, please contact me on the alt. My running had a little setback last week cause I think I had ramped up mileage a little fast, but I backed off this week and tendon has settled down. Fun people in the running group =) One of the cute girls in the group I met a few weeks ago keeps inviting me to stuff. I'm not interested in dating now, but it's flattering.

4) Went to rodeo (lol) with friend and his kiddos. Great time.

5) Going to have neighbors over for dinner and playing with girls this wknd.

6) Got bids and ordered new windows/sliders installed on house (to be followed by new shutters, new front door and some new chandeliers/lamps). They should be in mid-November. W seems interested in the fact that I am changing things up in house (I told her my plans and asked her if she wanted to participate in decisions or not). She seems to have mixed feelings about it -- happy that I am changing house, angry that I didn't take time previously to work on it when she wanted to.

7) Things between W and me are still in limboland. Last wknd was interesting. Friday night, W invited me to have sushi with her and girls. Two things of sake and lots of laughing. After sushi, I had friend over for a couple of beers and talking about his R issues.

Then on Saturday, after D's soccer game, W invited me to go shopping at Macy's to get more clothes for me "cause she had a coupon." (this was strange/unexpected to me because I couldn't think of any way that it benefited her other than hanging out together because she was having to deal with the girls while I was doing all the shopping?!?!). She watched girls while I picked out some new clothes for myself and modeled them for her. Got a bunch of new jeans that fit me better from the running. Then we ate at Red Robin and had some margaritas and more fun. Then, after swim lessons on Sunday, W invited me to go to Chevy's with her and the girls and then watched Padres game. She was on phone with one of her BF's while we were together talking about H and I this, H and I that.

At some point during the interactions on Sunday (at her apt), W said she felt "safe" in her apartment. I told her I was happy she felt safe, I wanted her to feel safe. Then she said (again) she still didn't feel safe in our house because of the bad associations from the past (EA, me being neglectful tool). But then, she said she had felt safe with me all day. I told her I was happy she felt safe with me and asked her to let me know how else I can help her feel safer. She said she thought it would just take "some more time." Her IC told me last week before this to keep being patient and giving her time and space.

The house thing seems to be a big deal for her -- almost like post-traumatic stress disorder -- like the house reminds her of all the shitty stuff I did to her there. But, she seems to be getting more comfortable/safer with ME separate from the house since she keeps initiating weekend contact?

I've left her alone since Sunday. She called yesterday to tell me about something funny with D5 and invite me to meet them at sushi place again. I told her I would stop in and say hi but was going to meet my running group after that for dinner meeting.

8) W still seems depressed and emotionally unstable to me. She called me up at one point wigging out on Tuesday with the kids. She said she couldn't take it anymore and she couldn't take the kids anymore that I could have them for full custody while she would need to go live in Seattle with her mom and dad to keep trying to recover. I told her I was so sorry she was feeling that way, and if she felt that was her only option she should do it. She hasn't said anything about it since.

Any thoughts? I really would love contributions to the American Liver Foundation if anyone is interested =)