My Situation - any thoughts or ideas

[XYZ]

Hello all -

This is my first time posting; I'll share my story and welcome any advice or comments. My wife and I have been married 8.5 years. This is a second for both of us. We have 2 wonderful kids; a daughter that is 5 and a 2.5 year old son. We both started businesses several years ago (oddly enough, my wife is a therapist, but works with adolescents, not couples) at the same time and in retrospect that’s where it all started going wrong. Our financial situation 3 years ago was fantastic. Now it sucks. My business, which my wife didn’t want me to start in the first place, is the primary reason. She now says she “hates” my business. I have said that about her’s in the past.

If you has asked me 6 weeks ago how we were I would have told you that we didn't have enough time together, money, sleep or free time and that it had been a tough year but otherwise we were fantastic. I knew that we'd been fighting more this year than before, but we both run our own businesses and have 2 young kids. I thought it was just that and that each fight (maybe 1 a month or 6 weeks and never "nasty", no yelling, name calling, etc). Well that all changed on Sept 6th. My wife first indicated that "we might not work". We, I went to pieces for the next 3 weeks. Typical stuff. Crying, pleading, begging, what can I change, I’ll do anything, etc. All that stuff I now know not to do. Over a period of 20 days she moved from "I'll be ok, I just need time" to "I'm trying" to "I'm trying, but not sure" to "It's not working, but let's give it a year" to "it's over". In 20 days! Holy crap. Well the next day, I got “Divorce Busting” and the next day started implementing the techniques. I’ve had success, but want more.

First, for about 8 days now, we’ve gotten along great. Except for 1 small setback, we’ve laughed, joked, had a good time. We’ve gone to dinner twice without the kids and had fun. But all along, she’s still talking about “when we’re divorced”. It’s definitive. I’m not pursuing her. I’m busting my rear around the house. Doing all I can with kids, laundry, etc. She still sends me text messages that I reply to but don’t initiate. We’re joking and being fun. In one message, we discussed the kids and she ended with “have a good flight, wly”. She used to sign all messages either “ILY” or “WLY” depending on if the kids were there.

She says she loves me and wants us to be friends. She’s even told me that she’s enjoying being my friend.

In another message she told me she was sad because she didn’t want “her decision messing up the kids”. I responded that it would be tough on them for sure, but we’d help them through it together.

I’m working with a coach and trying to stay strong, confident, and secure. But it’s so hard.

One challenge I have is that my wife doesn’t change her mind easily. She makes it up and stands by it. That scares the crap out of me!

I know that patience is key, but what can any of suggest in terms of milestones, timelines, advice, etc? We’ve agreed to live together until we can sell the house. That will take forever, so I seem to have time, but this is so hard. I love my wife dearly. Help!