So sorry for your continuing pain. I empathize with you very much from my own sitch.
Right now, your H's heart is not open to reconciliation. It may or may not reopen to you. He knows how you feel about him and the relationship, your remorse about your actions, and your guilt for hurting him. You have stated it to him clearly in the past, right? If so, there's not much more you can do on that front. If HE brings it up again, you can apologize again for hurting him deeply, taking full responsibility for your bad actions, and also for your PART in the deterioration of your relationship.
What you can do is work to improve yourself, distract yourself, and heal yourself from your current emotional situation. Exercise, exercise, exercise; new hobbies; social activities with supportive friends; resurrect neglected projects/personal goals.
Emotionally, keep exploring what difficulties in your relationship with your husband got you to this point. What of your own personal issues led you to seek intimacy with computer friends? Why did you avoid discussions/interactions with your husband about what was missing for you and turn to the computer instead? What other actions (or inactions) on your part in your relationship promoted the emotional distance in your relationship that cultivated the soil from which your emotional affair grew? You need to address these issues so you don't repeat the same pattern in future relationships, whether it be with your H or another.
Your husband is angry, hurt, resentful and disrespected. You may have passed the point of no return for him and must accept that possibility. You pulling on the rope overtly or covertly for him to come back will just piss him off more and get him to yank harder. Give him space, and let him go. Work to better YOURSELF so that if he does decide to test the waters with you again that you are the best version of yourself you can be. And, if he cannot get over it, you will be wiser and ready to live a rich life.
I don't really know if he knows how I feel. The first time we talked about our sitch, he didn't want to talk about what happened. He told me we were through, and that there is no changing his mind. The second time we talked about it, at my request and his reluctance, I wanted to have an opportunity to express my feelings, since I didn't do that in the first conversation. I only listened in the first conversation, I didn't want him to feel like he wasn't being heard. So anyway, second "conversation" which was over the phone I told him I wanted to reconcile, that I was sorry, that I loved him, etc, and his response was "I don't believe anything you say, and I can't listen to this anymore". So I never got a chance to pour my heart out. And even if I had, he thinks I'm just lying to him.
This whole online thing started out innocent, or so I thought. I was playing games (like video games), and not chatting with people are getting involved emotionally or anything. Then one day some guy sent me a message and we chatted, and nothing "weird" ever came of it. He was friendly, but didn't ever express any interest in me that was anything outside of "friendship". So when the next guy sent me a message, I guess I didn't see the red flag. It started out with me just expressing frustration. Like "Why won't he pick up his dirty socks?", or whatever. But then it just snowballed. I said so many of those things I never meant. Things that when I walked away from the computer, never even went through my head. I said things because of the response they evoked, "i.e., you're beautiful, you're smart, he doesn't appreciate you, etc, I would treat you so good, blah blah blah" I did feel like I wasn't appreciated. But did I appreciate him? No, obviously not. Now that he's gone all I can't think of is how sad I am for hurting him, for destroying our marriage, for causing so much pain. I hate not sleeping next to him, I hate not putting my arms around him, I hate not cooking his dinner and picking his dirty socks up off the floor. Yes, I had frustrations with our marriage that I had trouble expressing. Yes, I looked for attention where I had no business. Yes, I did many horrible hurtful things. And I know I need to accept it. I just don't know how.
And Dance Queen, I'd give tapping a chance if I had any interest in dance what-so-ever. I've never wanted to dance. I wish I did. Right now I'm still so raw, I can't even think of one fun thing I'd like to do.
