Sigh...I swear being on the other side is just as tormenting as being a LBS. Constantly weighing reasons to stay. Being afraid of change. Being worried about kids, money, loneliness.
Yes, it is. It's heartwrenching. I don't have the 'kids' factor, but I had all those concerns too.
Well, don't know if this will help Pinhead, but when I told my therapist I was thinking of leaving my H she told me that I had every right to, but I had to 'earn' my way out. So I guess I had a 'game plan' of sorts. And that was:
1) Figure out exactly, in behavioral terms, what I needed from my H that I wasn't getting.
2) Build up my self esteem so I could stand up assertively to any negative treatment without withdrawing from it, but also without getting aggressive
3) Learn how to ask him for the needs I had of him - again, in BEHAVIORAL terms - clearly, without blame and repeatedly over time. (to clarify - the needs I'm speaking of here, aren't the kind that only I can fill, of course)
4) Assert to him that these needs are so important that I was willing to leave the M if they were not fulfilled
5) And IF, after I did all that but STILL didn't see him begin reaching out to reconnnect? ONLY then could I walk away, knowing that I'd done everything in my power to save the relationship.
And if I didn't do all that, then I hadn't earned my way out yet. Again, don't know if that helps, but that pretty much sums up what I've been doing this year. Hopefully you might find something there that helps.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
