Since he is gone right now, then a dear john letter would be good enough since you cannot do the face to face with the one you have been with so long.
Well I got the Dear John letter this morning on my FB account. He said that it was obvious I was Done so we should proceed. I will not lie and say that for a split second I didn't scream NO but right now I'm just trying to digest what is happening.
I have not responded via email or phone. I am trying to figure out what emotion is rolling through me. Is it because I love him and can't live without him? Is it fear of losing what I hope/wish he could be? Fear of the reality of single parenthood? Or guilt over having destroyed my M and family? I will not act until I'm sure of which emotion I'm dealing with. Because if it's not because of love then the other reasons really aren't good enough for me to keep dragging things out.
Quote:
you have some serious issues and from what i continue to read, he will never meet what you need.
I know I have serious issues. I had them when he met me and I'm trying to work them out. It is my growth that has opened this can of worms but it something that had to be done. I am going to continue working on me as long as I can.
Quote:
now you are saying he needs to stop loving and detach.. why so it will make the decision easier on you, maybe he needs to do what he needs.
I don't know if I want it to be 'easier' on me. I don't think any of this has been easy on me. I think what I want is for him to understand/validate what I'm feeling. He has started to validate here and there over the past few months but he always goes back to "This is your fault and you need to fix you so we can be happy". His magnifying glass is only aimed at me and he never looks at the things he has done in our 20+ yrs together that may have done damage.
As for him doing what he needs, I do want him to do that. I'm not keeping him from it. Out of the 2 of us, he definitely has more of a life than I do. I would love to see him stand on his own two feet and not be needy but that hasn't happened.
I have always felt, and been told by him, that I keep everything going and without me it would fail. That's a lot to carry especially when I'm supposed to have a partner. I don't have a partner, I have another person looking to me saying why is our life this way and what are you going to do to make it better.
So I guess I've reached the point that I want to take care of just MY 2 kids and not my mother-in-laws. Contrary to popular belief...he is old enough to stand on his own.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
It's crazy because I feel like I'm flailing around like a drowning woman. Right now, I feel like the battle isn't so much about whether I should go or stay but it's more of an internal battle to keep fighting for what will make me feel better about myself and not trying to save him. I keep writing in my journal, typing, and thinking trying not to fall into my normal pattern.
It's my nature to give into the guilt (yes I've really been looking at that since last night) because in my world everything has always been my fault and I try to keep all the bad from happening. And I get that I am causing his pain but right now I'm in pain too and I have to take care of me.
Right now I'm just praying for the strength to get through this. I need to be strong enough to fight my internal battle. Strong enough to hold up my kids when their world comes crumbling down on them. And strong enough to take the the missiles my H is bound to throw at me.
But deep down I know I am strong enough...I've been through 10 yrs of physical abuse, 1 yr of sexual abuse and a lifetime of emotional abuse....yet I'm still standing. I can do this. It's easy to say right now, he's half a world away. I just need to keep chanting...I can do what's right.
All that just to say thanks, I guess I just needed to get it out.
Doodi
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
doodi, i say give the guy a chance, it seems like he is reeling and needs some serious re assurance, let him know and then see if he heads in the direction you need. i really do not think he will head there when he never has any confidence in his future. one of you needs to take a plunge.
Me - 39 yrs old Wife - 39 yrs old Married - 18 years Together - almost 21 year Kids - son age 13/ daughter age 10 Bomb Dropped in May 2010 Seperating - June 2011, after school lets out
Well I talked to H just now. We just talked about his plans for the day. It was as if the email never was sent.
I'm not bringing it up for 2 reasons. First, I'm not sure I've got a clear 'plan' yet. If I don't know where I am, I'll never be able to express it without sounding wishy-washy.
Second, my kids are right here. They are hold enough to read between the lines. Hell they're old enough to just read us. So I'm trying to just act life all is well.
I just can't figure out if this is another one of those 'call her bluff' moments. He has done this 3 different times. Every time I have agreed to proceed (after much arguing, defending and explaining myself) and then he begs me to keep trying. So I really don't want to say anything about it at all.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
I know he's attracted to "you" but it's not the real Doodi. The Doodi you've been hiding for years.
Be confident. Be you. Let him go. Let him learn to grow. Then you'll find out whether he really is attracted to the real Doodi, and whether the attraction is mutual.
You're right I'm gonna keep working on me. I still have alot to work out and for all I know I might actually be a raving b!tch when I get to the 'real' me. He might decide he doesn't like me. I'll just have to take it day by day.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
