Any ideas on how or where I can channel my anger and frustrations???
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
It's HOW you say it and to whom YOU say it to that matters.
Quote:
I just get so frustrated at how he can treat me however he wants
He treats YOU the way YOU allow him to treat you. Victim or survivor? You decide.
What do you do for YOU that makes you feel relaxed?
For me... I take long walks, specifically on a beach along the CT river.
I may go off roading with my jeep (may not be the most responsible thing to do but hey it get's the frustration out)
I also will go for a run or work out
The key is to find a coping mechanism that works for YOU.
Now, don't beat yourself up over this. Just do better next time.
ok? Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
WEll, Im fixing to head home for the day. Wish me lots of patience please!!
I tried to keep the day normal. I even texted H once just to say Hi. His reply "what u want".
So, I havent bothered him anymore.
He did text me a little while ago to let me know he was at a meeting. So, I guess he wont be home when I get there.
I will go home, fix supper, leave his in the fridge...then I will be headed outside to our garage to box up some stuff that Im donating to a church yard sale...that should keep me busy for a while.
Pray for me please. Patience is wearing very thin. I do mean VERY THIN!!!
I will choose to be happy and I will do my best to keep the negative attitude of my H from spoiling my evening!!
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Love is kind and love is <please fill in the blank>....
You will do fine IF YOU Choose TOO!
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
I texted him to say Hi because that is something we have always done.
Im in need of advice this morning. Not sure how to handle this.
I have found out why my H is upset with me. He told me last night. A few weeks ago when I found out about him sending flowers to this woman friend of his, I had talked to someone in confidence about it. Or so I thought. This woman is a crisis counselor for a womens shelter. She works with woman of domestic violence. I have known her for a while and she has known alot about my sitch since the beginning. She is the one who gave us the recommendation of a marriage counselor in the beginning of all of this. She has known my H alot longer than me.
Well, I talked to her about what was going on. Told her that my H had taken flowers to a friend of his who was feeling down. This "friend" I was telling this too goes on to say that my H is probably having an affair and I needed to get out or be careful because things could happen if he is messing around on me, like diseases and all that stuff.
Anyway, she told several different people that my H knows, that he was having an affair with someone in another town and was taking her flowers and she also added in quite a few other comments or opinions of her own. Well, this got back to my inlaws who then called my H about it. He has said he is getting calls and having to explain his business to other people. He is furious with me for speaking to anyone about it. I told him that I did tell my best friend and my sister knew about it because she was there when I found out. He says I should have never spoke to anyone about it because now people think he is having an affair with someone.
I apologized. I didnt feel comfortable about it. After all he did take flowers to some lady and Im NOT sure what went on. I told him that I only spoke about what I knew had happened. That this person blew it way out of proportion! BUT he is angry at me and is having a hard time forgiving me. Which makes me angry after all he has done that i have forgiving him for. All I did was talk to a friend about something he did.
I guess saying im sorry for talking about it is all I can do. I am sorry that I talked to this person now and I will no longer talk to her about my sitch. Im not sure if I should say something to her or not. Would that help or not???
Not sure how to handle this with my H.
But now IM upset with myself about it all when I dont think I should be, after all, this is about something that he did behind my back. So, why do I feel guilty????
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
My take ... you feel guilty because it has become a preconditioned response. Open up your book and do some reading today to help ground yourself.
Why did you apologize if you weren't comfortable with it? What exactly did you apologize for? I'm not saying you should or you should not have ... just wondering what you felt needed apologizing for from your perspective. You spoke to someone you thought you could trust (or did you ... she has known your H longer, did you have any kind of ulterior motive here? don't answer for me, look at it for you, if it doesn't sting, move on ) and she is the one who ran with the info. You did not tell lies or embellish the events, she did. I would guess talking to her will not do any good, and you don't need to tell her you aren't telling her stuff, just don't. Actions not words. Now, if she calls you on it ... asks you outright, I would firmly state your boundary.
He has a right to feel angry. His feelings are HIS feelings. Doesn't mean he's right or wrong, doesn't mean you're right or wrong. Feelings are feelings. Now, it's been my experience that the defensive anger and denial could certainly be a red flag ... but you already know that. Listen and validate: "I understand" ... "I'm sorry you feel that way" ... etc ... do not take every time he opens his mouth as an opportunity to defend yourself.
Try not to keep score kissak ...
(((hugs))) PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I apologized because I felt like I had started unnessasary drama. Not on purpose though. I talked to this lady because she was asking about how we were doing. It was on the day I had confronted my H about it. I was still trying to process it all. Just needed to talk to someone about it that knew our whole sitch. I had no other motive for telling her. I trusted her.
I know he has a right to feel what he feels. I understand that. What I hate is that he is taking this out on me. How he is treating me is upsetting to me. I have forgiven him for so many things in the past, it bothers me that he is being so hard on me for really something he did. It may be wrong to feel that way, but that is how i feel. Maybe it just takes him longer to forgive. He did say he accepted my apology....but it didnt make him feel better.
Im just trying to process all of this today. I feel horrible about it. Trying to work on accepting how I feel and move forward.
Last edited by kissak; 10/08/1001:33 PM.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Oh, ok I get it now. I shouldnt be worried about how many times I have forgiven him? Trying to figure this all out.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Oh, ok I get it now. I shouldnt be worried about how many times I have forgiven him? Trying to figure this all out.
Listen kissak ... nobody on here is going to tell you that anything you H has done or is doing is OK. But I can tell you this ... keeping track, keeping score = resentment. Simple. First hand knowledge of that one unfortunately. And one of the things MWD talks about in her books.
Nobody said life was fair.
So no, you shouldn't be worried about how many times you've forgiven him.
And no, I didn't miss the sarcasm.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
