Need some encouragement

[kissak]

Thanks Eric.

I just care a great deal about the dummy, lol.

I wasnt snooping on his conversation...I heard him say it before I actually saw him walk around the corner of the house....and NOPE, didnt really walk away wanting to know what he was talking about...in the past I surely would have asked him.

AND YES!!! I am happy with myself. Just not with my sitch.

I went to the dentist today...had the laughing gas of course It was strange, while on the gas i was able to lay there and relax. Let all my worries kinda not matter. I layed there thinking about my H and myself. I had this peacefulness come over me that I could let go of him and be ok.

OR it may have just been the gas

Eric...trying not to focus so much on my H. If you look back at my first posts almost 4 years ago, im sure you would see how much less I do focus on him. BUt i do still love him and cant not focus some on him when he is still living in my house. Now if he werent there, well, it would be easier.

Headed to church tonight.

[courageous wife]

It was strange, while on the gas i was able to lay there and relax. Let all my worries kinda not matter. I layed there thinking about my H and myself. I had this peacefulness come over me that I could let go of him and be ok.

OR it may have just been the gas

Too bad we can't have laughing gas all the time!

[punkin]

Tuning into a convo about gas. All kinds of strange things go through your mind until you read and catch up.

I worked for a medical facility once that, no lie, had to write up the dentist for sniffing the gas between patients.

[Mila]

Hi Kissak, just catching up. I feel you...know exactly where you are coming from....still love him, but it would be easier if I didn't have to deal with him. It's so draining.

I could use some of that gas LOL

(((hugs)))

[kissak]

Gas was wonderful!! lol I may be in trouble if I were a dentist too! jk

I know Im not supposed to be bothered by my H being upset with me and all, but it does bother me when he tells me he is upset with me and then refuses to tell me why?

He told me this morning that he was upset with me, told me thru text. I asked why. He said when he could tell me he would. I asked if that meant he didnt know or what? He replyed "oh, I know why". I told him that I was sorry he felt that way.

I would really like to know what ive done now. NOT that it matters I guess. I could upset him simply by breathing some days.

Ok, this shouldnt matter so why is it all I can do not to keep texting him and asking him what is it???

IM know this isnt the first time and Im sure it wont be the last time I UPSET him!! Ugh, what about all the times he upsets me???

ok, venting done.

[fisherman]

He told me this morning that he was upset with me, told me thru text. I asked why. He said when he could tell me he would. I asked if that meant he didnt know or what? He replyed "oh, I know why". I told him that I was sorry he felt that way.

I would really like to know what ive done now. NOT that it matters I guess. I could upset him simply by breathing some days.

He is upset with you because you are changing. The control he thought he had is slipping away.

Perfect example...

I am trying to do things that make me happy, and he still tries to control me. Im trying to get out of the habit of feeling bad or guilty when I dont do what he expects me to do. I went for a walk last night because I wanted to. He didnt like it, but I did it for me.

This weekend I am planning on going to a festival with the kids. I dont care if he goes or not, but Im gonna enjoy myself and my time with my children.

You are living your life and not taking ownership of HIS problems.

Please continue to remain upbeat and happy and YES, get out and do fun things for you and the kids.

Don't let his anger and blame hold you down any longer.

I hope you have a wonderful time this weekend!!!

Invite him to come along, and then go regardless of what his answer is.

Stay strong and upbeat, just because he is upset by this doesn't mean it's a bad thing.

[fisherman]

Ok, this shouldnt matter so why is it all I can do not to keep texting him and asking him what is it??

No... no...no.

Stay strong!!

Don't ask!!

You already know the answer to this. In case you missed it, it's written above.

If he offers up an answer, then listen and don't defend yourself, but PLEASE fight that urge to ask. Don't get reeled back into this.

Don't repeat the same old pattern. Be confident in the new you!!! (confident, not arrogant)

[kissak]

Thanks Trapt. I do know he is upset about me not going to get a check for him on Tuesday, but I simply couldnt leave work and go. I told him that...but it was after I told him to go get it himself. He had been texting me that whole day being rude about what I was cooking for supper. He asked what we were having and I gave him quite a few options and he said by text that he didnt want any of that d#%m stuff. OK, I told him that I guess he was eating out then, cuz thats what we were having. He is just ill all the time. He wouldnt even look at me or acknowledge that I was talking to him last night.

Maybe he is just blaming me for the reason he is upset because its just easier to do that.

But Trapt, youre right...Im sure he is upset that I do remain upbeat and happy while he is NOT.

Im thinking he wont tell me right now why he is upset because there really isnt a good reason for him to be.

[ericmsant2]

Kissak,

Maybe he is just blaming me for the reason he is upset because its just easier to do that.

Yes it is always easier to blame someone else than to take responsibility. In the case of an MLCer...then cannot take responsbility. If they did they would need to also take responsbility for thier actions.

You on the other hand...well that is a different story.

but it was after I told him to go get it himself

I told him that I guess he was eating out then, cuz thats what we were having

Were these quotes how you would communicate if everything was fine between your two? Probably not. You can do better Kissak. You need to channel your anger and fustration away from him.

He wouldnt even look at me or acknowledge that I was talking to him last night.

Have you ever not wanted to talk to someone?

Limit your communication with him Kissak. Keep it minimal at best.

Im thinking he wont tell me right now why he is upset because there really isnt a good reason for him to be.

Stop thinking for HIM.

Kissak...keep being happy and stop letting the little interactions take your joy away. Life is short...live it...live it for YOU and your kids.

God Bless,
Eric

[kissak]

Thanks Eric!! It is sooo hard not to react, but Im doing the best I can.

Youre right, I probably wouldnt be talking to him that way if everything was ok, but I was mad at how he was treating me that day.

I just get so frustrated at how he can treat me however he wants, yet I have to smile and just walk away and say nothing.

Sometimes I just have to say what I am thinking.