In your reading did they give any reasons why they believe a man's MLC goes on longer that a woman's?
IMHO the reason for the difference is all about hormones.
Womens hormones change at a much faster rate than mens. Again IMHO most of the marital problems on this entire DB site have hormonal roots. That is not to say that it is the only cause but it is a factor.
Look at how long these "CHANGES" take give you insight into why the crisis's last different amounts of time.
Of course age, childhood issues, mental stability, triggers also play into this.
Or, it could be because the wind is blowing from the east...
There is an abundance of reasons that it could do this or that.
The deeper the issues, the longer it takes, regardless..
Or it could be the fact that women, typically, are more in touch with their emotions, and more historically tuned to processing them.
Most guys are emotional asshats, and have problems dealing with deep emotions in a normal mind set.
Hormones can and do play a role, just that there are so many variables that could be taken into consideration, that the "why" could drive us all as looney as the MLCers we deal with.
Bobby........
I asked you some questions a few pages back, and I seemed to have missed your answers.....
Or, it could be because the wind is blowing from the east...
Pretty sure the wind has nothing to do with it.
Aw heck, Mach I am a science guy. The world works in natural ways. MLC is science IMHO. After you really look at it, there is some real science behind it. You have to admit that most of these stories have a strange resemblance to all the rest of them.
Bobby this does not relieve you from answering Mach's questions.
I guess to me everything in MLC is backwards or opposite what really exists. I totally agree that you can NOT use the rationale man theory.
What most of us think makes perfect sense is totally the opposite in MLC. So when you start mixing up real versus opposite you get what Jack calls MLC confusion.
Trying to sort that out, I agree with you can get very confusing.
Girls and Boys under the age of 10-12(approx) are the same hormonally. When hormones kick in little boys and girls become the OPPOSITE of each other. Boys do more high testosterone type activities than girls.
Through most of our adult lives this remains true.
At midlife and above the change in hormones occurs. At the end of our lives adult men and women again revert to what we were like in our childhood(hormonally).
This creates a change in lots of other things so we become the OPPOSITE of who we were and what we did.
In mid-life the change/rate of change of these hormones help to create this confusion.
So maybe that explains better what I am am trying to express. Again this is a very shortened version of what is going on.
I started reading a book by Bettie Youngs and Masa Goetz which is titled Getting Back Together. It is about how to reconcile with your partner. I now really understand how to detach and the real purpose for a separation.
Read the book, got it sitting on the shelf with about 30 others I have read on relationships, MLC, getting your spouse back, etc. Knowledge is power and I know right where you are at right now and I am not going to encourage you to stop reading.....
HOWEVER......
Know this, you will not "read" your way out of this. I tried and it does not work, but "I" did benefit from everything I read. When I was reading most of those books, it was with a purpose, and that purpose was to find out what "I" could do to save my marriage and get my wife back.
Do you know what "I" found out??
There is not a damn thing "I" can do to save my marriage, except one thing......
and that is to "Save" me. By saving me, working on me, making me whole again I might as a by-product, save my marriage. The goal here is to work on you and your life, your goals what you want, what are your desires.
Yes, I know you desire your wife soooooooooooooo......
the best way, the only way to even remotely start to pursue that desire is to work on you first.....get it????
You may get it in your head and alot of us do "get it" in the head first but it takes "TIME" to feel it and live it and as Mach has said "becomes your new skin".
That book your reading is great for the couple who is not getting along and mutually want to save the marriage but realize they need time apart to work on themselves. It lays out a plan and agreements and all very good ideas in theory but in reality.....just doesn't happen that way.
I would say, and I am no expert here, most separations are because one spouse is trying as hard as they can to get away from the other spouse, real freakin simple. All the want is their freedom.
This took me a while to refocus on me and put my goals into perspective. I used to think about goals "we" had as a couple and in the beginning of the nightmare I thought those things were no longer obtainable as an individual.
What I have come to find out is that those goals were a conglomeration (sp Grit, ain't lookin it up either) of what my W and I wanted individually.
I have looked at those goals and realized that they are still my goals and they are obtainable and I am the one responsible for obtaining those goals not anyone else. This is where we lose "ourselves" in our marriages, we start to look to our spouses to fullfill our goals and aspirations or we are consumed with trying to acheive thier goals or aspirations for them.
When you start to focus on you again and what you want and you start to take actions towards those goals, that is when your W will start to take notice of you again, "MAYBE". There are no guarantees here, but won't you still be better off????
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO........
Start to answer some of the questions.......
What does Bobby want for BOBBY (hint: we already know you want your W)
Cheers
Formerly "missherlove"
Me49 XW49 M17 T19 S16 D20
Expose yourself to your deepest fear; after that, fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes. You are free.
