WAW Pushing For Split -- Is All Hope Lost?

[gutwrenching]

It's very difficult for them to see themselves how they trully are knowing they are being judged. They have great trouble looking at themselves in the mirror and being honest about what they have become, so they act as if they are the spouse when in that situation

Well put. You need to realize this and then you won't be confused any longer. Most WAS do not act rationale a majority of the time.

I can't figure out how she can behave this way, yet still want to destroy her M and family? I keep the peace. I try to keep her happy in some pathetic way that makes me feel like I am helping our situation and she will see how good I am for her. I know deep down that it's really not working. I am just softening reality for her and making this too easy. When I am gone she's going to be seriously challenged. I can't see her keeping her sanity.

Many of us have felt/thought this exact same way, me included. You know it doesn't work, but you keep on trying...because it is hard and because you don't want your kids to suffer and probably, because you are afraid. You have to find the strength yourself to let go of the fear.

Her reasons for D are vague

Yep...WAS script. They want the grass to be greener on the other side but they don't really know if it will be or not...thus why you so often read about the benefits of letting go, dropping the rope, setting them free.

I have not read up on your sitch, but either way, you have to decide when you've had enough of this confusing pattern and when you are willing and able to try something different.

I hope for nothing but the best and to answer the title of the thread, no I don't believe all hope is lost. Pushing for split doens't mean the end...it might just mean the beginning of what you have been seeking this entire time.