cheated on, lied to, and now I am moving on

[awest1217]

I agree I should validate my S's feelings, but this one is a very large change for him. S usually says that daddy doesn't love mommy, but he loves him very much. To hear S say that H loves me, kind of caught me off guard. I usually validate, but this time I didn't.

Part of the reason is because I really have accepted that H never did love me. I know many of you veterans will say all that was a line, but I heard that line a lot in my R with H. Even H's counselor said he probably didn't want to marry me, but did because he was codependent on me. He wanted me around to help him, not to be in a committed R. H never has been honest with me about anything to let a good R grow or to be emotionally intimate with me.

On Friday when the message got sent to the wrong person, we talked a little and H said how he would never try with us again because he can't be himself and always feels he has to lie because I won't approve. All he has ever lied to me about is the other women (remember this is the 5th EA, but 1st PA) in his life. I have always known what he was doing, and even asked him about it, but he always would say that he wants to be with me and would stop. He never did and was just codependent on me and would never give anythign to our R. Now he has found someone new to be codependent on and that is ok with me. One day I will have a new person to be jointly in a M with me, but if not (and I really feel more and more it will be a not) I am ok being single and enjoying my job, S, and life.

Overall good night. S is feeling better. H bought a new humidifier and dropped it off. Remember the old one had mold in the motor I did not know about and was making S sick. Between allergy medicine, the humidifier, and S sleeping in his own bed without throwing a fit (that's right every night since Sunday ), he slept better and now is feeling better. Still a runny nose and coughing, but normal changing weather stuff.