That would be a wait and see mode. Don't stop DBing. If it is MLC, it will change. Be happy with the calm before the storm. I highly doubt it is anything unusual. Usually when my wife is like this, she is processing.
That would be a wait and see mode. Don't stop DBing. If it is MLC, it will change. Be happy with the calm before the storm. I highly doubt it is anything unusual. Usually when my wife is like this, she is processing. The depression still was present though. That I could see.
MR, your thought about your W being set in a particular mind-set is not necessarily discounted. She may feel it's acceptable to behave this way due to a similar experience earlier in life. My W is repeating the separation that was so apparently devastating to her as a kid. She must feel this is an acceptable way of dealing with things but doesn't make the connection and seems powerless to stop herself.
However, I've learned here that even pinpointing the MLC cause, straight out of the textbook - doesn't make resolution any quicker. Trust me, there's no "Aha! You're right" moment, even if you are. She's got to find it herself - or so I'm told.
M / W: 43 D8 S6 M 10 years / T 13 years W admitted EA/PA: 10.6.09 Separated in same house 10.6.09 W moved out 2.27.10
What do you call a drunk man sitting on a stool in Alaska (no J3b no you)?
What do you call my son who is failing his Health class?
What do you call it when I fart, cough, sneeze and hiccup at the same time?
You know what I call all of these?
FOCUSING ON HER AS OPPOSED TO YOU.
Mental - I am not trying to bust your a*s BUT com'on dude.. maybe if you stop looking at her long enough...she just may finish dealing with what she needs to deal with.
Do you think that if she is "withdrawal" that you can calculate just when she will come out of it?
Mental - she will come out of it when she is ready.
In the meantime...
Mental should...
GAL
Work on himself
become happy with himself
Become someone that will "peak" her interest
Become the man that he always dreamed about.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Someone can correct me if I'm wrong, but after Amy's awakening she tried to R her M.
Her H DB'd during Amy's MLC, but by the time Amy emerged her H was done and had moved on.
Well now. That sure is the short version .
While my husband certainly tried to save our marriage, what he did couldn't have been further from "DBing". And then when I finally got myself together, he was pretty much right back where he'd been all along; Drinking on the back porch. He really never has moved on - never once even dated. Today, we co-parent and we are friends to a degree. He is the picture of unwillingness to look inward and grow. My advice to the spouse of any real MLCer remains the same as it always was; stop thinking so much about what they are doing or thinking or experiencing and instead, turn the mirror around and focus on yourself. Otherwise if they ever do emerge, they might just be the only one who has grown up.
Good luck.
Peace, AmyC
"Let anyone who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall" 1 Cor. 10:12
Hi everyone. I haven't found much reason to post the last few weeks, since things are still kinda flat-lining with my wife. She hasn't display much anger these last few weeks. Actually, there's been a couple of occasions where I've expressed a feeling about her behavior where she has responded in somewhat of a positive manner. As an example we had an argument a few weeks ago. At one point I expressed to her that, with this EA with DJ, I felt/feel she is/was repeating her history, as she essentially was involved in almost exactly the same type of situation when she date a married man 14 years ago. If I would have said this to her six months ago (at the extreme height of her anger/MLC) she would have blown up at me like Hiroshima. When I said it a few weeks ago she simply told me to shut up. I take that as a sign of progress... :o)
Also, just this past weekend she was trying to spend some time helping our son with his math homework. She is a nervous/anxious person in general, especially when it comes to something she really cares about (i.e. our son's school progress). When she was leaving our home to go back to her apartment, I told her that I understand how much she cares about our son's school work, but I felt that she should try be more relaxed with him. She simply replied "OK." Again, in the past this, she would have interpreted a suggestion like this as criticism, and she has never taken criticism well at all. The fact that she simply replied 'ok' was definitely a good thing coming from her.
Which brings me to the main question I wanted to ask from you all who have been at this for a long time. My wife got involved in her EA with DJ in July, 2009. Around August, 2009 she added him to her MSN Messenger 'friends' list, and he's been listed there ever since. Over this past year + on his profile I have seen him: add pictures of my family and remove pictures of his (when I snooped), change his relationship status from "married" (his wife) to "single" (a few months after he began speaking to mine) to a point a few months ago where he listed himself as "in a relationship." (I assume he 'thought' he was in a relationship with my wife... He's a psycho...) Anyhow, I stopped looking at his profile a few months, but saw that my wife continued to have him on her friends list...up until a few days ago. I hadn't logged into to MSN Messenger in a while, happened to log in the other day, and immediately notice that he is no longer listed as her friend.
Sooooooooooooooooooo, what do you all make of this apparent change of events? Do you all see anything [potentially] signficant in this? Have they gone 'deeper underground?' What gives??
First off - i try and put this as softly as I can.
STOP FUC*ING LOOKING AT YOUR WIFE!
Okay, I hope you get my subtle message.
As for what does not having him on MSN messenger mean?
Well, if the moons align and it is 87 degrees in Alaska and if True grit is wear pink today ....well then that means she is close.
Do you see what I am trying to show you?
How long do you think this is going to take?
How long do you think you can last?
How long before Mental starting paying attention to mental and just be?
Honestly, dude it could mean anything. In my personal sitch...my W has been pretty damn calm, pretty friendly and overall just kinda of nice (i.e. no venom)...did I forget to mention that she is still with OM? Oh, yeah...she is...
So what do YOU think it means that he is no longer on msn messenger or better yet - why does it matter to YOU RIGHT NOW?
It probably matters cause your changes are maybe still for her as opposed to you. Cause your changes are a tactic to get her back. Maybe?
Mental - please take my advice...go live your life. Go be the man you want to be - if she wants YOU back in HER life - trust me, she will tell you or YOU will know. You will not have to figure it out. Let me give you a more graphic example.....
Ever go out on a date with someone...maybe even your w...you ever wondered if she wanted you to kiss her? I bet you knew she did, didn't ya...ya knew...ya just knew...AND then ya probably reached over and planted on on her. I bet she reciprocated.
Ya see, ya knew and she kinda let ya know. Well IMO, this will work the same way...you will just know.
AND when you do...and when you live YOUR life...you realize that
YOU DECIDE to reach over and kiss her -
YOU DECIDE
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
Going back and re-reading what I wrote, I suppose I can see how someone might read my words and interpret them as me still being 'stuck' in limbo land. Not the case.
Quote:
So what do YOU think it means that he is no longer on msn messenger or better yet - why does it matter to YOU RIGHT NOW?
Ultimately, it doesn't matter one way or another. I'm still looking for insight/feedback to the question though.
Sooooooooooooooooooo, what do you all make of this apparent change of events? Do you all see anything [potentially] signficant in this? Have they gone 'deeper underground?' What gives??
It could be that they have gone underground. it could be that they are no longer together. It could be that they are no longer together and that she is now with someone else. it could be that she is thinking about coming back.
Mental I understand your question - I do. I just think that no one can really answer it. The change of events could mean so many things.
Let me ask you this. What do YOU need to see to think that your W may be considering coming back?
Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
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