I'm back and not much has changed. I'm still confused and stressed but I'm also still trying.
Hey Doodi, What have you done that is "trying?"
If you were to ask him...he would say nothing.
On my side,
* I've tried to show more interest in talking/spending time with him...not just sitting on the couch surfing.
* We've gone on weekend family outings...even though I'm a homebody
* When he wants to talk about our M, I will talk with him as long as we can remain calm
* I've tried to listen when he's melting down. And I have focused really hard on keeping myself out of it and just validating the things he's saying.
Where I'm failing...
* The physical/intimacy is still not what he needs. The last 2 attempts I've made with hugs/kisses didn't go very well. He accused me of faking it for the benefit of others and doing it out of pity. So I've backed off.
* I can't stop 'predicting' how he might react. I'm not just doing and waiting for him to respond, I'm basing my actions on what he's done in the past.
* I'm still emotional withdrawn from him. I just can't shake the fear that he's going to hurt me again.
It's crazy that when I write things out, everything seems so petty. But I don't know what 'grand' thing I'm supposed to do. I can't help but feel like our M was destroyed by the little things so it's the little things that are going to rebuild it. I just don't know what to do.
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
