OK, its been a while since the forum has been back and running, so I might as well start things off and this is an interesting topic to continue.

Any ideas on "sexy things" that would help motivate/rehabilitate an SSM?

I have two comments based on my personal experience.

First at certain stages of an SSM, I don't think anything that is initiated by the HD partner to get the LD partner feeling sexy will be viewed in a favorable way and it will likely be taken as either a threat or trying to embarass the LD partner.

Thank goodness, my wife and I are past that stage.

Second, whatever you do, it should be tied to the LD partners primary or secondary language of love (Chapman Five Lanagues of Love book). In my case for my wife that is quality time followed by acts of devotion. What has worked for me are acts of devotion foot rubs of 20 to 45 minutes (it can seem like forever!!!! with no sexual overtones) or quality time events, that create special times together such as walks in a park, going to dinner together and talking or a movie and then talking about it.

There are literally dozens and dozens of things that my wife could do that I would find very sexy and inspiring. Over out 39 years of marriage and several years of dating prior to that I am sure that I have let her know what they are and would love her to try any of them.

I am reminded by a comment by David Schnarch (author of the Passionate Marriage) where he indicated that wives know their husbands secret fantasies very well, which is why they have never happened even by accident in years they have been married. If the wife didn't know what the husband wanted and was making sure he didn't get it, you would expect she would be accident do something on his fantasy list at some point.

My wife and I were discussing Halloween the other day and I asked if we should get some costumes and either go out that night or stay home. The response I got from her was something to the effect of "costumes....ain't going to happen, ever."

Oh, well.

>43 years of marriage--My wife and I are now closer than we have been in decades. I believe that my SSM is over.