Is there any hope for us?

[So Ashamed]

SoAsh...I feel really sad for you, I know you are in agony.

Are you spiritual? Do you belong to a church? If not, would you consider joining one? Church is a great place to go and sit in a pew and cry your eyes out. If not a church, there are help-support groups for divorcing people.
Yes, I do belong to a church. In fact, most of our friends are friends from that church. My close friends from church know the truth about what happened. They are taking sides, they just wish we could work it out. Everyone at church is loving, kind and supportive. Some have offered me money, a place to stay, I get many invites to dinner. My husband goes to the same church. I'm sure he wishes I would go somewhere else so he doesn't have to see me, but I've been a part of this church for 5 years (with him) and this is where I feel at home. Friends offer to save me seats at church. I get many text messages asking if I'd like a seat saved with a friend and their family.

Please be gentle with yourself, but at the same time, try to stop focusing on how you ruined it, or that you would "do anything to get him back". Those thoughts are not going to help you.

Maybe think of it like a car accident where you were the driver and you hit a pedestrian, and that you know you were not paying enough attention when the accident happened. You accept your part of it, but you also know in your heart you would never have "meant" to do that. At the same time, you cannot expect the pedestrian to make you feel better. He/she has their own pain to deal with and yours is irrelavant to them. In that type of case, you have to get your own closure with it and stop focusing on "anything to get them back". Instead, you pray for their progress and recovery, and you pray for your own. The only thing that helps is time and acceptance. I have been praying for God to soften his heart too. I don't think there is anything wrong with that...right?



A question, why are you pretending everything is ok? If your world is falling apart, you need to be open about that so that your friends and family can help you with it.
With very close friends I am open and honest. I was trying to pretend with others that everything is ok because I am "going dark". Almost all of my close friends are married to his friends. Aren't I supposed to pretend I am doing ok? I did try to reach out to him a few times but he was completely determined to not hear me out, and since the last time I now know I can't convince him. If he changes his mind it's because he's made that decision. An email he wrote me said that all of my efforts to get him back only made him more determined.