I'm back :( Not sure if I belong in MLC though

[ericmsant2]

Jennifer,

It is post like your that remind me why I believe in my heart God sent me here. Better yet…”dragged me here kicking and screaming”.

Before I respond I suggest that you go read my thread to get a better sense of who I was and who I am today.

Thanks for the insight Eric.

Your welcome BUT don’t thank me…thank all of the people on these boards..

I would like to tell you a little story…..

There was a man, who did not have the love of his mother. This same man never knew his father. This man…

Did not understand what a healthy R was
Did not understand what it was and meant to be a father
This man married and had children – 3 to be exact
He did not understand how to love his wife
He was angry all the time
He was depressed for a long time (and remember depression is anger turned inward)
He depended on HIS wife to provide the love of a mother that he never had
He hid behind his own insecurities, which were the result of his upbringing
He spent most of his adult life spending like a drunken sailor and in his own selfish world
This same man, used woman to satisfy his needs when he was young. Used them sexually, used them emotionally…
When the woman did not satisfy him…he threw himself into work
This man became a successful employee – hell he traveled all over the place
This man kept running…running from him self
This same man, tried to have his WIFE fix him…she tried for 18 years…
His Wife tried and lost herself
His wife tried and in loosing herself…hit a life crisis
This man was broken…
This man did not know any better

THEN……

This man began to look inside…
It was scary…it was painful…
He began to realize that no one, not his wife, not his priest, not his IC – no one BUT him could fix this

This man Jennifer WAS ME.

I say this to you for several reasons…..

My Wife is gone…totally immersed in her crisis…she tried the best she could.

You have better tools at your disposal…

You can do better if you want to…

AND MORE IMPORTANTLY……as much as you want to….YOU CANNOT FIX YOUR H….you can love him…love him from a distance…You can be a light for him

BUT

HE must do the work….
He must come to the realization of what he is and what he must change
He must want it….

You can bring a horse to water BUT you cannot make him drink..

Be that light Jennifer….BUT DO NOT LOOSE YOURSELF….

"You deserve better than me"

This is his guilt…and this is also his cry….please help me…please help…

I believe my point is that we all have issues that run very deep. While we may never fully be able to sooth or eliminate the issue we can choose to handle it properly.

The doctor is spot on….YOUR H IMO, has to get to a place where he realizes that he can change and that those changes will take time. He must realize that acknowledgement of the issue is the first step.

My H texted me and said "he doesn't know what to do"

He is trying Jennifer….at least that is how I see it….just keep reminder yourself..that YOU cannot do this for him.. Cannot!

later, in response to that I just said "allow yourself to be helped. Don't give up on you."

This is all you can do…Jennifer…. He has to do this..YOU cannot be his escape path..If you attempt to rescue him he will not have the opportunity to work on his own chit….and I can tell YOU this…..


My Wife, has no idea of who I have become….none….will she regret it? Maybe, BUT only IF she looks at herself now…only IF she does the work on herself…THEN just maybe…she will see the real and true me. The man that I have become…the MAN that YOUR H can be.

"I'm trying but I feel like a failure at everything"

He is scared and in so much pain…..as hard as it is……remember these words…..


Compassion
Understanding
Faith
Love
Grace
Strength

Jennifer YOU CAN DO THIS……

BUT

STOP looking at YOUR H…..and

Start looking to really become the WOMAN that he just may look at and say….”I have to change….for me….AND….because I love her”…

Be strong Jen…be strong…

Don't quit...don't give up...NOT YET....NOT TODAY!

God Bless,
Eric