Wife is cheating, am sad but confused?

[HopelessInLove]

W says she is Co but I fear she is just saying this.

W has so much guilt, but says she cannot forgive me? She acts like I had A and covered it up. My counselor says she is just projecting.

I have been trying to figure out how to be the other option for her. I was told before my thread disappeared to not be an option. Though if I go dark or detatch then she accusses me of checking out of our life, something I have done before because of not get some responses from her that I wanted.

Maybe I am scaring her by telling her everything, ie that she is what I want, etc. I have not said to her I love her, but the other things I am saying may scare her also.

I was told by Cheryl my phone coach that I need to do more like helping her do chores, because I got a response from her. But, W is saying that she does not want me to help her, because she becomes anxious. I did things around the house before W had problems with me, but W made me feel like I was not pulling my weight. I tried to do more and that looked like I was just trying for her. The I left the house. Wife is drowning in chores but says she is doing great without me. I help her because she is not sleeping and want her to rest to start evaulating R/M, but she becomes emotional.

She has my mind spinning so much on how to DB our R/M. I don't know which way is up. I have tried to GAL outside of R/M. Some days are better than others.

We talked last weekend, and I tried a future projection technique. It backfired. I asked her if she loved me before then there is a way that she could love me in the future. Right now it is so hard to see us being in love because of our crazy life and schedule. She felt that I was questioning if she ever truely loved me. She does not listen to me and twists every word that comes out of my mouth. This has been a constant struggle in my R, something I have accepted of my wife.