I'm leaving him alone and trying to better myself. Still haven't started an exercise program. Spending a lot of time with friends. Trying to focus on work instead of my life and circumstances. Still wishing I could get another chance. Confiding in a few friends in regards to that, but otherwise trying to pretend that everything is OK. I will start the exercise this weekend. Any other suggestions? What else can I be doing? I'm having a horrible time keeping my chin up. I just can't believe I've ruined my marriage. I would do anything to get him back. I know I keep saying that and I need to stop focusing on it, but how? Can't eat, can't sleep, etc.
SoAsh...I feel really sad for you, I know you are in agony.
Are you spiritual? Do you belong to a church? If not, would you consider joining one? Church is a great place to go and sit in a pew and cry your eyes out. If not a church, there are help-support groups for divorcing people.
Please be gentle with yourself, but at the same time, try to stop focusing on how you ruined it, or that you would "do anything to get him back". Those thoughts are not going to help you.
Maybe think of it like a car accident where you were the driver and you hit a pedestrian, and that you know you were not paying enough attention when the accident happened. You accept your part of it, but you also know in your heart you would never have "meant" to do that. At the same time, you cannot expect the pedestrian to make you feel better. He/she has their own pain to deal with and yours is irrelavant to them. In that type of case, you have to get your own closure with it and stop focusing on "anything to get them back". Instead, you pray for their progress and recovery, and you pray for your own. The only thing that helps is time and acceptance.
A question, why are you pretending everything is ok? If your world is falling apart, you need to be open about that so that your friends and family can help you with it.
SoAsh...I feel really sad for you, I know you are in agony.
Are you spiritual? Do you belong to a church? If not, would you consider joining one? Church is a great place to go and sit in a pew and cry your eyes out. If not a church, there are help-support groups for divorcing people. Yes, I do belong to a church. In fact, most of our friends are friends from that church. My close friends from church know the truth about what happened. They are taking sides, they just wish we could work it out. Everyone at church is loving, kind and supportive. Some have offered me money, a place to stay, I get many invites to dinner. My husband goes to the same church. I'm sure he wishes I would go somewhere else so he doesn't have to see me, but I've been a part of this church for 5 years (with him) and this is where I feel at home. Friends offer to save me seats at church. I get many text messages asking if I'd like a seat saved with a friend and their family.
Please be gentle with yourself, but at the same time, try to stop focusing on how you ruined it, or that you would "do anything to get him back". Those thoughts are not going to help you.
Maybe think of it like a car accident where you were the driver and you hit a pedestrian, and that you know you were not paying enough attention when the accident happened. You accept your part of it, but you also know in your heart you would never have "meant" to do that. At the same time, you cannot expect the pedestrian to make you feel better. He/she has their own pain to deal with and yours is irrelavant to them. In that type of case, you have to get your own closure with it and stop focusing on "anything to get them back". Instead, you pray for their progress and recovery, and you pray for your own. The only thing that helps is time and acceptance. I have been praying for God to soften his heart too. I don't think there is anything wrong with that...right?
A question, why are you pretending everything is ok? If your world is falling apart, you need to be open about that so that your friends and family can help you with it. With very close friends I am open and honest. I was trying to pretend with others that everything is ok because I am "going dark". Almost all of my close friends are married to his friends. Aren't I supposed to pretend I am doing ok? I did try to reach out to him a few times but he was completely determined to not hear me out, and since the last time I now know I can't convince him. If he changes his mind it's because he's made that decision. An email he wrote me said that all of my efforts to get him back only made him more determined.
Last edited by So Ashamed; 10/06/1007:32 PM. Reason: Added to post
I think you'll find exercise to help tremendously. One it'll get you in better shape, which is always a good thing. It'll also help you get your appetite back, which is also important unless you're a contestant on The Biggest Loser. It helps relieve stress so you'll sleep better, and best of all, it's measurable. So you can set goals, and have personal achievements.
Could someone possibly direct Sandi2 to my saga? Someone once said she might have some insight on my situation. I'd send a message to her but I don't know how.
Might be another desperate move on my part, but I have an appointment to see another marriage counselor today, even though he refuses to go. It's someone I found because of a link on this site. She's supposed to be a marriage friendly counselor. I can't stop hoping we can work this out. Or I should say, I'm not ready to stop. He moved out 1 month ago today.
