You can't have everything, where would you put it?

[ClingingToHope]

That's a good one. For a few weeks I was using the Serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

I was just thinking, this time last year I was getting on average a phone call from STBXW a day or every other day. She'd run through this schedule, that schedule, drop an aside on something at work.

I was still in "this will all work out" mode. Now, the last six weeks or so I'm getting perhaps a phone call a week.

It is much better this way.

[Drew]

CTH,

You're already aware that I disagree about the parent/teacher conferences so I won't belabor that point.

One thought on phone calls vs. emails, sometimes I've found that emails, particularly short ones CAN be misinterpreted and a quick phone call can't hurt.

Not sure if we're still allowed to post links here but I found this one useful, even though it's written from the woman's perspective:

http://www.womansdivorce.com/ex-after-divorce.html

I think perhaps your anger may subside after this is all final.

[ClingingToHope]

My anger will subside. It has already lately. It's a relief I won't have a fight on my hands over the rings and I'm looking forward to wrapping this D up.

Every situation is different. We don't communicate well at all face to face or on the phone. She makes assumptions and I make assumptions. I can't believe it'll improve in the future.

So I really doubt there will be such things as quick phone calls in the future unless it's something that has to be taken care of right there or if it's major.

Unless it is, I'd really rather have it in email so I have a record of it.

I really see a future where at most we see or speak to each other a couple of times a month. It's just a matter of making sure that I get my own information from the schools on the girls and from their extra-curriculars.

D11 starts a play again on Friday. I emailed the leader of the troupe and asked her to put me on the email list so I'm getting schedule changes, rehearsal times and don't have to wait for STBXW to forward that stuff to me.

[Drew]

I emailed the leader of the troupe and asked her to put me on the email list so I'm getting schedule changes, rehearsal times and don't have to wait for STBXW to forward that stuff to me.

Oh, you absolutely HAVE to do this. Good job.

[ClingingToHope]

Home with girls today -- parent teacher conference day and I'm battling a cold. I am reeeeaaaaalllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyy tired.

We went for a walk. It is a very nice day. Had lunch and now we're watching TV until after school sitter comes over at 2 p.m. so I can head into work for a while.

D8 at lunch just wanted to hear stories of how the marriage was between STBXW and I was in the early days.

D11 made an interesting comment. She said STBXW is too busy to have time for them. Consequences. I'd say girls are getting caught in the middle, but STBXW has always been too busy for them. When we were together, she was putting in 60-70 work weeks and getting home at 8 p.m. every night. Just in time to be there to put them to sleep.

[whatisis]

So sad that the most precious things in her life are the things that get left to the last. It's wonderful then that they have you! I hope you're over your cold soon...hey, try to rest LOL.

[ClingingToHope]

Well, both the sixth grader and third grader are failing math.

D11 simply hasn't turned in enough assignments. Everything she's turned in scored 75 percent or better. So it's an organizational thing with her. I'm limited in what I can do. I looked at the dates, none of the missing assignments are from nights I had her.

D8 ... is interesting. The teacher and two social workers met with me and showed me her marks, which are still really +/- things. She's getting a minus in things such as focus and working independently.

I asked them if they knew D8's background from her prior grades. They said no. This goes back to the IEPs. This marks the third straight year the teacher and staff did not read the IEP from the prior year.

So I ran through D8's struggles from kindergarten through second grade, how she spent most of 1st grade working one-on-one in a room away from the general classroom and then spent much of last year in a special program with just six kids and then with a full-time aide in the general classroom.

So this is the first year she hasn't had her own aide to keep her on track and she's back to having to follow rules meant for a larger group.

They also didn't realize the age issue. D8 is a late July baby, meaning she is usually the youngest in her class, which adds to the issues she already has.

She's really a tweener. She's smart enough for the grade she's in but not emotionally ready. It's why she always gravitates toward younger kids and she usually makes tremendous progress in the second half of the year.

I've long wanted to hold her back, but each year she manages to do well enough for the teachers to say she'd be bored being held back.

When the meeting was over the teachers and social workers and I were talking about, all things considered, how well she's doing. She hasn't had a screaming, kicking, spitting fit yet and hasn't made one trip to the office.

She lived in the principal's office in first and second grade and had several incidents last year where she had to be restrained.

Church growth group first fall meeting was last night and I managed to get over there for most of it after the parent-teacher meetings.

I'm sick so I didn't want to get too many sick. Church_31 is running the group now and she's really coming into her own. You can see her confidence growing and she brought in several new people. There were 17 there last night.

I sat next to church_35, the one I asked to the birthday party. After, we talked. She said her bachelorette party was a lot of fun. And I told her about the birthday party. I'll see her next weekend at a growth group bonfire at a farm south of here. It's kid friendly so I'm bringing the girls.

The weekend after that I'm moving into the new house, but I'll have that Saturday night free. I'm going to look around for a fun event to go to and ask her out again.

Others were asking what's going on with the D and I said I didn't know. I haven't heard anything now in seven weeks. There's a meeting set for Oct. 19 and I guess I'll get an update then.

A coworker who bikes past "the house" also said the "For Sale" signs are gone. I know there have been no visits and I don't believe any offers. I don't know what's next with that situation.

[ImprovedRomeo]

It's really good that you know and understand your DDs so well. You know what they need and you know why they do things in a certain way.

Definitely ask Church_35 out again if you like her...remember you'll be that much closer to a yes

So the house not selling- does that affect your D in a good/bad way?

[Drew]

I looked at the dates, none of the missing assignments are from nights I had her.

Which is EXACTLY why if you would have been in the same conference as STBXW you could have addressed this right then and there. Are you at least going to say something to STBXW? Did the teacher realize the assignments aren't getting done at STBXW's house?

I'm limited in what I can do.

I call BS. Look CTH, you're their father 100% of the time, whether they're with you or not. What if they didn't do ANY homework at her house? Would it be "Oh well, they're getting 100% when they're with me, too bad that works out to 50% overall."

Stand up to her. What have you got to lose? She gonna divorce you more?

[ClingingToHope]

Drew, not being in the same conference was better because it gives me time to think about exactly what needs to be said.

When I woke up this morning there was a voice mail from D11 panicked about having to give up band. As I guessed, STBXW read D11 the riot act last night and threatened to take away all of her activities.

So, Drew, judging by what you put out there, I should have gone to the conference with STBXW and when I realized (which I already knew) that the missing assignments were on her watch I should have right there said something like, "boy, you're a lousy mother. How could you let our daughter fail like that? What the hell is wrong with you. Get your act together."

That sounds like good advice.