It has come to my attention that some people on this message board are strongly suggesting advice that runs counter to my Divorce Busting philosophy and practice- the notion of exposing a spouse's affair to family members. While this plan may be helpful to one couple, it would completely backfire in other marriages. I have worked with many couples where the betrayed spouse revealed all the information to friends and family with extremely detrimental outcomes. First, when the unfaithful spouse discovered this had happened, he or she decided to file for divorce and it became a final decision. Secondly, there are those situations where the couple began to heal from the infidelity and get their marriage back on track, but the family members undermined the couples' efforts and even "disowned" the betrayed spouse. This made life-long commitments after infidelity a very challenging outcome because few people like giving up their family and friends. So, while I do believe that betrayed spouses need support from loved ones when dealing with such a distressing situation, it is ESSENTIAL that the information about the affair be shared CAREFULLY and with full recognition about the possible risks. I always recommend that, if information is shared, the person with whom it is shared is marriage-friendly, even in the face of infidelity. Nonetheless, it's still important to recognize potential risks.
Additionally, several people have contacted my office feeling that they had been personally attacked for not following this sort of advice. This community was started many years ago and we rarely get such complaints. Confronting others by calling names or pressuring them will not be tolerated. These tactics are not reflective of the Divorce Busting spirit.
My thread is locked for just over 30+ pages and some others as well.
I came here as a desperate and hysterical man. My counsel recommended the DR book which I bought the same day.
I have come a long way since that day and even more so since I signed up here.
My R is improving and I could be another success story thanks to Puppy and countless others here.
I don't like the smell of this scrubbing 4 day shut down either and quite honestly, I don't know what to make of it until I go back and read to understand it better.
I fully agree with your frustration, but I hope you take some time and reconsider. Your advice has been invaluable to me, and I can honestly say that it changed my life. You have a lot to offer people here.
fully agree with your frustration, but I hope you take some time and reconsider. Your advice has been invaluable to me, and I can honestly say that it changed my life. You have a lot to offer people here.
I concur. For the most part PDT and Coach's attempts to interject a little grounded realism into the denial, co-dependency, anger issues here is what I used for a guide, and the only thing I got from this forum that contributed to my W and I reconcilling.
Maybe we need our own site?
Last edited by TimeHeals; 10/06/1002:44 PM.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Now I am quite disturbed by actions of moderators. I have now found at least two recent threads that I have commented on that are just gone. Even PDT's thread that was saying goodbye to everyone vanished. I know that it was the same thing that he wrote on this thread, just as an individual thread though, but what was the reason for removing it? There are many posters on these boards that have relied on Puppy's advice for a long time, now they may not understand his reason for leaving. Most will not see his post on this thread. I think I need to step away again for a while. This is disappointing. I hope that Puppy changes his mind, I believe he gave solid advice and MANY needed 2X4's to people. Shock
>>"Hi everyone, threads needed to be locked because folks are not locking their own threads or starting new ones when their threads get too big."
The question becomes, Why were threads over 100 locked in the infidelity forum & left alone in the other forums?
Puppy's post was removed & reinstated, as well as other posters.
Words cannot describe how sad it makes me that newcomers are likely to get very little response to their threads without the people that have put so much of their time & caring into this site, as they appear to have been blackballed.
I'll probably be next, because I expressed my thoughts on the matter.
I will say, this forum will not be the same & it will be those that come here needing the most support who will suffer.
Just a little perspective as a former admin for a very large forum.
We are raised and educated to know that we have certain First Amendment rights. What many of us never seem to grasp is that those rights protect us from the government, not each other. You can't say whatever you want in school, at work, in a letter to the editor, etc. (You do get to decide to leave that school, employer, etc., if you wish.) And a forum such as this is publication owned by a private, not governmental, entity. As such, it reflects on the owner and the owner gets to decide how she wants to be reflected. In addition, the owner has to deal with potential liability, or at a minimum, litigation.
What I am suggesting is that no one just up and leave without considering the valid rights/concerns of MWD and whether or not one may participate on this site while still respecting those considerations.
Ehh, for less than 40 bucks a month, we can host our own with lots of storage and huge bandwidth on a 12G RAM server. I pay that already for another domain/site that I no longer use. Maybe I will close that one down, and then I could easily use the savings to pay for a forum like this one.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
