Here is the summary. I'm living overseas for another month. Wife calls in late august from home "I had sex with another guy". I freak out. Go dark. She falls into OMs arms.
For the last month I've been back in the states, working on things. The affair continues. We make progress. Go to counseling. W is distraught. She has HUGE guilt over being an adulterer and being the cause of the collapse of two, however rocky, marriages. She says she has been unhappy for "years".
With the support of our MC, W wants 30 days to detox so that she is making no decisions out of pain, and guilt. She lusts for the OM, but loves me. She wonders aloud to me "what if I really do love him?"
Today I fly back overseas. I will resign my job and begin moving back to the states. This is independent of the M. It was the plan all along. What wasing in the plan was that I'd not be moving in with my W. I don't know where I will move to. W is in one state, friends and family in another. I have no reason to move to W's state except her. In another 30 days I can return to the U.S.
She is not pushing for a D but "understands if I need to".
So. We're "separated". I don't even know what that means. I want to reconcile. I think there is a small but real chance, but the ball is in her court. I've agreed the 30 day time out. I know many would give me the advice that I man up or "kick her to the curb" or say "I won't live in an open marriage". I've tried those things. I need to start moving on and filing for D seems like the next step.
A miracle could happen. She could decide that she wants to try. Even then while I can forgive the affair, I don't know if she respects me. Loves me? Yes. Respects me? So even then I don't know if it could work.
What do I do?
M:37 W:34 M:4 years T:6 years No Kids A disclosed - 9/1/2010 W asks for separation - 10/19/2010 Moving on - 10/24/2010 A ends (and I believe her) - 12/2010 Content - 3/1/2011 Served - 3/18/2011 D Day - 6/20/2011
