In a fantasy life, I could see us separating and her suddenly finding that she was attracted to me, and we rekindle things. But the real world doesn't work like that too often.
Oh YES it does...
The DUMPER and the one who cares the least almost ALWAYS has the dumpee chasing them, begging them, hoping, praying, changing, and doing everything in their power to save the relationship...
Be the dumper... That has been your key for this whole time. You will then find out how she really feels for you. You will never find out her true feelings until you do. (as your story indicates and proves)
I do get what everyone is saying but my thinking is this. What do you want? Do you really want her back like she is? You know that right now she doesn't love you the way you need and I don't think that is something that will just flip over night. So wouldn't it be safe to say keep doing you and make sure she if/when her feelings start being what you need...take a few and make sure it's not just panicking. Just my opinion.
I know it may sound like I'm against you reconciling and trust me I'm NOT. I want your family to stay whole but i also want it to be genuine and not just a knee jerk reaction to fear of change.
Smooches, Doodi
"I feel like Rocky in the fifteenth round, beaten beyond recognition, when I realize, the only person I've been fighting for is...myself."
In a fantasy life, I could see us separating and her suddenly finding that she was attracted to me, and we rekindle things. But the real world doesn't work like that too often.
Oh YES it does...
The DUMPER and the one who cares the least almost ALWAYS has the dumpee chasing them, begging them, hoping, praying, changing, and doing everything in their power to save the relationship...
Be the dumper... That has been your key for this whole time. You will then find out how she really feels for you. You will never find out her true feelings until you do. (as your story indicates and proves)
I'll find out when I move out. I just don't expect her to be physically attracted to me. If she does, great. If not, then I'll just take care of my girls as best I can.
I know for a fact YOU can change YOUR perspective if you want to change it.
i suppose. still working on me. getting back on my feet first.
in all honesty, i hope you don't leave the boards. i may be like a dark cloud, raining on your gratitude list .. but i think a lot of people here will benefit from it.
I do get what everyone is saying but my thinking is this. What do you want? Do you really want her back like she is? You know that right now she doesn't love you the way you need and I don't think that is something that will just flip over night. So wouldn't it be safe to say keep doing you and make sure she if/when her feelings start being what you need...take a few and make sure it's not just panicking. Just my opinion.
I know it may sound like I'm against you reconciling and trust me I'm NOT. I want your family to stay whole but i also want it to be genuine and not just a knee jerk reaction to fear of change.
Smooches, Doodi
Doodi, this isn't about reconciliation. We're not even close to reconciling. It's about settling for something far less than what I think is healthy. And settling in a way that is fraught with huge risks.
I want a "normal, healthy marriage," whatever the heck that is. One that is affectionate, loving, with some passion. I don't expect it to be like a movie, but it's a part of me that I've suppressed for years because I thought I was unlovable and unattractive. Now I know that I've crippled myself for years.
Could we make it work? Maybe, but she'd know that I was always longing for her. That would feed her guilt and self-esteem issues, and push her away. That would kill what friendship we're currently enjoying, and we'd end up hating each other. And for me, even having sex crumbs isn't cutting it for me. I know most guys wouldn't say this, but for me, it has to have more in it for me to enjoy sex.
Well, whatever happens you have my support Pinhead. Our spouses are alike in a lot of ways - particularly the emotional unavailability, the distance... And I must say I'm almost with gucci on this.
I have to say looking back, that the changes my H made didn't really start happening until I told him clearly, consistently, and with resolve that I would leave unless the relationship began changing. I don't think he believed me the first few times I said it but the last time I said it to him, I could finally see the recognition in his eyes.
So if you've been down that road already (communicating honestly, clearly and with consistency that you'll leave unless it changes) and have had no results? Then, I can't blame you for giving yourself some distance from the marriage.
I cannot complain for not receiving from others, that which I've never asked them for.
I'm not really seeking distance anymore. If I didn't have two daughters, I'd have left a month ago or earlier. I know she would have too.
Maybe Gucci is right, that she might realize what she's lost when I'm gone. Part of me hopes so, everyone wants to be missed. But my expectations are otherwise.
