Not sure where to start or end, WAW? - #3

[john28]

Things have been good the past few days, they really have. After she initiated an R talk the other night and asked me to come see her (which she hasn't since she moved out) the air around us is a little different. I don't know how to explain it, but a little bit of the tension is gone and you can feel some love trying to break through.

She suggested last night that we all go to the pumpkin patch together this weeked, something we've always done as a family. It's the first thing she's asked me to do as a family in about a month.

I don't know what her motivations or intentions are of going to MC after Mediation is over. I can not tell if it is to placate me to go to mediation, or that she wants to work on the relationship. If it is to work on the relationship, I'm not sure if that means working on our issues to be friends again, or to work on our M. I just am not sure... and I'm begging myself not to ask her.

The exact words she said were: "I need to go to mediation first and get this settled so that I know that I am guaranteed a place to live and a car if I need it. I do not trust that you can meet those needs for me and I can not come home. After mediation is done, I'd be willing to go to MC and work on our issues and our R."

She has a point, really. I have been standing in the way of mediation and in all honesty have not been supporting her moving out of the house and taking my money. I've done things like said that I would get the house appraised again so that there wouldn't be as much equity in it. Said the washer/dryer was a gift from my parents. Things like that which are true, but she doesn't want to hear, and she sees "more of the same" selfish behavior from me.

Mediation is today in about 6 hours. I'm really nervous about it, but she doesn't know that I won't sign separation papers today. I think that she is expecting me to, but I will not until I run them by my L. She also doesn't know that I have a L.

I saw her this morning when I dropped S4 off at her place, and she gave me a couple of good hugs where she initiated. We'll see what today brings.