Now I'm Walking Away

[pinhead]

I was expecting the opposite, that she'd become more involved. So I'll watch out for pullback.

We have MC in 30 minutes. Not sure if continuing it is something I want to do right now, but if it helps us communicate better and understand each other better, then it might be helpful. I just don't want to think of it as fixing our current relationship.

[Coach]

Let her know you don't think MC is going to fix anything. Drop the rope.

[DanF]

Congratulations Pin! I'm very happy for you. I thought I was here myself at one point, but lately, I have been whipsawing back and forth a lot between being ok on my own and still feeling devatsted about losing W. Trying to draw inspiration from you.

[robx]

yup I would agree,
I would definitely tell her,
"I think we should be the marriage counseling on hold for a while, we can always come back to it if we need to later, but for now, I need a break from all this focus & energy we put into these sessions. If you want to continue going, I'm sure the counselor will see you on an individual basis."

[gr8 day 2B alive]

Pinhead.

Getting to the point where you are now takes different times for everyone.

It took me 8 months to reachthat point. I think it is natural to feel the way you feel righht now. I have seen it here before where the LBS becomes the WAS.

If you truely believe you will be OK no matter the outcome, you will see a change in your W.

Hang in there and know what you wnat in a R.

[Atossup]

Good for you PIN
Letting go is the best thing to do. I think the only reason my W is going to Co today is so she can let me down easy and releive her guilt with his help. We'll have to see.
WAY TO GO!!!

[pinhead]

Well it's been an interesting five days. ML with my wife Thursday night, and the weekend was fun. My youngest got her ears pierced, and I got some training in for a 5k in a few weeks. Also got a good chunk done on my novel, and am going to a writing workshop tonight. I wish there was a huge turnaround in my wife, but sometimes it's like I don't even cross her mind. And I'm not going to try and seek attention and affection from her anymore. I don't care whether it's pursuing or whatever, it's ultimately degrading.

I worry about my girls. Especially if I move out this month.

Funny thing at our last joint MC session. The C asked me what I wanted out of things, and I said "I want to have fun. I want to go out, have great meals, dance, listen to music, live life. I don't want to sit around the house watching other people live their lives."

My wife meekly jumped in with "I want to have fun too! I'd like to go dancing. But we don't always have time/money or enough planning." I said that sometimes you just need to be spontaneous. Oh well.

The C jumped on the fact that she said she wanted to go dancing with me. I was like sure, that'd be nice. Whatever...

For some reason though, I'm angry today, and not 100% sure why. The mood in the house has been much calmer, less stressed lately, but something is bugging me.

[pookie69]

For some reason though, I'm angry today, and not 100% sure why. The mood in the house has been much calmer, less stressed lately, but something is bugging me.

You became a WAS?

C'mon. Go dancing. Have fun.

[pinhead]

Well, my mood carried over when I came home, and W could tell that I was troubled. When we were in bed, she asked me what I wanted her to do. I told her that I wanted someone who wanted me. Someone who's heart beat a little faster when I called. She said that there just wasn't that physical attraction, that mutual spark between us, and she thought it had never been there.

Then she said that for our daughter's sake, she'd stay and do whatever I wanted her too; kiss, hug, sex, etc. That it was worth it for them. I told her I couldn't do that; it'd be sooo selfish of me, and at the same time, it'd hurt me too much. I asked her what she would do if we didn't have any kids; would she leave right away? She said yes, and I'm glad she was totally honest.

So now I'm stuck between the Scylla and Charybdis. Stay in a loveless marriage with someone I love and cherish, or hurt my daughters by splitting up our family. We can provide more financially together if we stayed, but I just doubt whether I could detach enough to keep my sanity. And this would be for 12 years until my youngest graduates. But the thought of not seeing my daughters every day just kills me.

We're good friends; she loves me in her own way, and wishes she could feel more. I love her flaws and all, but not being able to give and receive affection (though sex would be available) is a dealbreaker.

So I'm screwed.

PDT always said to do the right thing. But what's the right thing when children are involved? Is it crazy to even contemplate staying together for them, with our sitch?

I have no hope of DB'ing our marriage any longer. I just don't want to hurt my girls if I can help it; I'm willing to sacrifice a lot.

[john28]

That's quite the predicament Pinhead. I feel for you...

If it were me, I don't know exactly what I would do, but I do know I wouldn't give up. If that meant taking some time apart I'd do that. I just feel for you bro, I really do.