Oh,I'm not dating. I quit all online stuff almost a year ago--just a few weeks after starting. And I don't consider the time I spend with the baby's dad as "dating". I just hang out with him some with the baby. He usually tries to get her to eat something, and if he is hungry and buys something for himself, he'll get me something,too. She has started spending Friday nights with him most of the time. So,sometimes I just drop her off with him.
Yeah, the timing is not right for dating. I can see myself moving on when my daughter is older. My other kids were 9 and 10 when I started going out, but I never,ever brought men to my house. I can see myself dating again, but not for several more years. I don't want to wait so long, but I think that's the best thing to do. I'll be 45 in May and I don't relish the thought of entering the dating field in my 50's,and being single and celibate till then.
I love this man, but don't feel "in love" with him. I get the impression that he doesn't like me and although,as a Christian,I can love (verb) him in spite of his feelings for me, I don't "like" him sometimes. I want us to like each other.
He seems like a totally different person now, but what I DID love about him was his cheerful attitude, his smile,the way he would light up and tell me I looked pretty every time he'd see me, the way he would hold my hand at the movie or snuggle with me to watch TV or give me a long, slow kiss for no reason(even when he knew there would be no sex--one thing that irked me about my ex-H is that he wouldn't kiss me or touch me unless he wanted to have sex), how he thought I was pretty in spite of my extra pounds, the way I felt he listened to me and the way he would open up and share his deepest thoughts with me--that was HUGE and what I miss a LOT. There is no depth to our conversation now. I loved the way he would listen quietly,without making judgments when I was upset. Basically,I loved the way I felt when I was with him. I felt happy and he did,too. He told me he "cared" for me,"a lot" a short time after we met and we'd spend several hours together a couple times a week and in between he would often call me to talk on the phone. I felt valuable to him.
All these things are gone. There is no warmth, affection, smiles, deep conversation, and even solid eye contact is hard to come by.
I married my first boyfriend (from the time I was 15 till he remarried when I was 41, he was the only man I wanted) and have not much dating experience to speak of. My marriage was long and troubled, but I never would have given it up on my own. I still feel a bond with my ex. I think he knows I love him unconditionally. This new man is so different from my ex in so many ways.
I still want to improve my relationship with my baby's father. I will be re-reading "Divorce Busting" today. I may simply be wasting my time on him, but maybe it will be good practice for my next relationship.
JStar-I hope you work things out with your ex if it is possible. Life is so much more complicated for us mothers. I think while the children are very young and all consuming, it helps with the loneliness,but it still hits me when I'm in bed, in the car, doing housework,etc. Baby's dad says he is too busy to be lonely and I need to be busier. Ha. First of all, I think he's lying. I think he has always been extremely busy and when I met him,he was quite lonely. I think he is kind of in the same boat as me-not wanting to introduce a new family into his daughter's life and also it is hard for him to tell me to not date if he is.
Overall, I feel blessed, I don't mope around feeling sorry for myself all the time. I am focusing on getting my kids raised,losing my extra weight, keeping house better.
I am trying to remember that God is in control,he is working things out for me,IN HIS TIME.
