Well, my mood carried over when I came home, and W could tell that I was troubled. When we were in bed, she asked me what I wanted her to do. I told her that I wanted someone who wanted me. Someone who's heart beat a little faster when I called. She said that there just wasn't that physical attraction, that mutual spark between us, and she thought it had never been there.
Then she said that for our daughter's sake, she'd stay and do whatever I wanted her too; kiss, hug, sex, etc. That it was worth it for them. I told her I couldn't do that; it'd be sooo selfish of me, and at the same time, it'd hurt me too much. I asked her what she would do if we didn't have any kids; would she leave right away? She said yes, and I'm glad she was totally honest.
So now I'm stuck between the Scylla and Charybdis. Stay in a loveless marriage with someone I love and cherish, or hurt my daughters by splitting up our family. We can provide more financially together if we stayed, but I just doubt whether I could detach enough to keep my sanity. And this would be for 12 years until my youngest graduates. But the thought of not seeing my daughters every day just kills me.
We're good friends; she loves me in her own way, and wishes she could feel more. I love her flaws and all, but not being able to give and receive affection (though sex would be available) is a dealbreaker.
So I'm screwed.
PDT always said to do the right thing. But what's the right thing when children are involved? Is it crazy to even contemplate staying together for them, with our sitch?
I have no hope of DB'ing our marriage any longer. I just don't want to hurt my girls if I can help it; I'm willing to sacrifice a lot.
