Thanks for your input. I agree that there are few if any kids on these boards who don't have some anger or bitterness about their situation. I'm glad your Ry has some contact with his dad but still sad that he feels abandoned, even as an adult. In some ways I DO think it is easier on younger kids as they often don't remember how it was as much and they usually have more contact with both parents with joint custody or shared visitation.
Brandon has been dating a new girl for a few months. It is not serious yet although he would like it to be. He often worries about her being a big "distant". Well it turns out that her dad cheated on her mom and left her and her 2 siblings as well (eerily similar). Her worry about involvement seems to be stemming from this. I've cautioned him about getting too close too fast as she seems to need time. (she was also travelling a lot this summer as she is a teacher and moving). But he has reassessed the situation and really enjoys their time together. He will continue to see her and enjoy their time together - then see where it goes (yes he got a bit of advice from Mom on that since he asked).
So maybe this Mom did learn something about life, love and the pursuit of happiness in all that went down. I continue to struggle daily with living with a 22 year old daughter who seems to think she owns the place and guilt over the fact I'm moving away soon. Brandon supports the move and reminds me that he was out a lot younger than his sister. I know he will say the right things to her when the time comes if there is stress and also to his father when he freaks that I'm taking Ryan out of town.
But my future looks SO much better. So much less drama. Josh is so even tempered. We seem to deal with things in a mature, non-threatening way. Even the tough stuff. And when you are purchasing an expensive dream home together - there is a ton of stress and so many decisions to be made. But I know that communication is key and although I'm doing more of the legwork at present while he is at work (setting up utilities, moving company, legal stuff etc), I keep him informed and he does his share too. We are now at the point of taking out life insurance on each other as we will own the house jointly. This is a HUGE step.
And he has finally told his family of our plans - well his sisters at least. His parents will be told during our Thanksgiving feast this Sunday. He has taken some ribbing from sisters, brother-in-law. Seems they figured he'd be a bachelor forever - but maybe not. He has been good natured through it all.
And that is a sharp contrast to the other man I was married to. A man who provoked drama at every turn. A man who made LIVING stressful. A man who treatened and seemed to always rain on my parade. But in my new life - that is NOT happening. I guess I just never believed that any of this was possible. But let me tell you - a relationship in which you SHARE is the best. In which you love and enjoy each other. That should be the goal. Anything less is not worth it!
