At the crossroads of recon/divorce

[gutwrenching]

"Look, we're not going to be buddies if that's what you are thinking. Life just doesn't work that way. If we are dating, nobody worth dating is going to put up with dating somebody who has a wife/husband or who has an ex hanging around with whom they are best buddies.".

Yep...you probably need to do something similar. Reality hasn't set it, he wants to keep you around just enough so that you can be a fall back plan. Sounds like you are in limbo land. Limbo land isn't a lot of fun and only you can decide how long you want to stay in limbo and hope your H comes to his senses. When you can't take the limbo any longer, then you have to drop the rope, set them free, pick your term.

But that friendship comment is typical and it shows your WAS is still in a fantasy land.

BUT...it also shows he hasn't shut the door, there is still reason for some hope