I've only just begun!

[sandycay]

Well, I can't believe that FFG and I broke up and the forum went down. LOL Just my luck.

A hard break up to do, but it was time. It was the best relationship either one of us has ever been in. No drama, no arguments, just fun and nice.

Now, your wondering why we broke it off? Well, it seems FFG seems to "feel" like he should "feel" a deeper love than he does. He knows he "loves" me but thinks it should be at a deeper level. Now, I was fine with where we are but he is entitled to his feelings as much as me. So, although I don't understand it I dropped the rope.

I am thankful that I know what future relationships should look like. I am more aware than ever of things I want in a man. He was a patient man and after EXH I ddin't know they existed. I am thankful that our break up, however painful it is..... we broke it off before somebody was unfaithful or mean or dishonest. I have to admire him for that.

We have been in conversation for several weeks about this (trying to peg down exactly what was going wrong) and by last week... I started having anxiety over it... feeling like the roller coaster again.... wondering "are we gonna make it" "should I break up with him" "is he going to break up with me"..... I can't do that to myself ever again. That roller coaster ride EXH took me on was enough for me to know it was time to get off.

I have never left a relationship so nicely. It's weird, adult, and you know what .... it still hurts. But it doesn't hurt as much as when soomeone is dishonest.

I am taking Chemistry and a Tmath100 course and that's all the brain damage I need.

Now, I need to decided if I want to be here when he picks his stuff up on Friday. I haven't seen him since the breakup so I don't know if it will set me back or not. On the other hand I would love to see him otherwise based on our locals, we don't have to ever see each ohter again. He wants the kids to see each other though. I think that's a mistake.